I just got home from hiking and again I'm all stinky. I stink like... NATURE.
And that reminds me, I was very surprised a couple weeks ago when Trinity volunteered to go hiking around the lake with me. This just isn't like Trinity. In fact, it was so odd, that I began to wonder if perhaps she was planning to, you know, kill me. Wait until we're way up high on the cliff part of the trail, wait until I've filled my pockets with rocks, and then push me off the edge, down into thecrocodile infested lake.
Wait. I like to think that astute readers will at this point be all, "What? Rocks? What's with the rocks in the pockets thing?"
(If you weren't wondering this, you've failed at today's astute quiz.)
Okay. See, you all remember about my ocd thing, right? And so one day I was hiking along the lake trail, walking through the areas that are rife with shards of shattered slate. (Ahhh... I love me some alliteration in the a.m.) And I picked up a couple of small, cooly-shaped pieces, put them in my pocket, carried them home and put them down in what had formerly been the area next to my porch where I grew rosemary and lavender. (Some extremely annoying kind of BLIGHT killed off all my rosemary and lavender and I'm going to be annoyed about it FOREVER.)
The pieces of slate looked cool there and I started thinking how cool it would be (sigh), to have a rock garden. A, you know, garden of rock. Because, well, it's not like it's going to die, right? A a whole interesting jumble of slate would also keep those horrible wild sunflower plants from taking over the front of my home. (Last year we had to duck under/climb around them and they have these horrible itchy bristle-things on their huge, thick stalks. It was also tortuous to get rid of the things after they'd assumed monstrous proportions.)
Annnnnnnnyway... (and I've already lost total interest in the whole subject but since I started it...) It was one short ocd step from bringing home a couple small pieces, vowing to bring some home each time I hiked, and wondering how much I'd have by the end of the summer... to becoming, of course, completely obsessed with bringing home the most and the biggest pieces of slate possible. Stuffing the pockets of my shorts (scratching my cell phone!!!), carrying slabs in my hands, surely looking like a COMPLETE IDIOT, hiking around with all my ROCKS.
So see, it was a logical assumption that Trin was actually planning to murder me.
Though, well, apparently she isjust biding her time not. Because I'm still alive. Though I'm not sure I want to take Trinity with me again hiking. Because she spent the whole time loudly complaining.
"It STINKS! Eww! The lake smells disgusting! Am I supposed to walk through this DIRT? The grass is all messy! Look at these broken rocks everywhere! Mom! Don't touch that rock! You don't know where it's been! These trees are all growing CROOKED. The plants are UNEVEN. The water in that lake is FILTHY. Oh-mi-gawd, did you see that gross TURTLE in the water? It SERIOUSLY STINKS. I should have brought some Febreze! Why didn't you get me some Febreze? I'm never coming here again without my Febreze!"
On and on and on. Especially about the fricking Febrez. Because Trinity is obsessed with Febreze. She regularly requests Febreze and sulks when I don't buy it for her. She says she will only come hiking with me again if I get her a big bottle of Febreze so she can spray it as she walks
Unbelievable.
***
Anyway, this is not the entry I intended to write. This entry became jacked by Febreze.
I'll be back in a bit...
And that reminds me, I was very surprised a couple weeks ago when Trinity volunteered to go hiking around the lake with me. This just isn't like Trinity. In fact, it was so odd, that I began to wonder if perhaps she was planning to, you know, kill me. Wait until we're way up high on the cliff part of the trail, wait until I've filled my pockets with rocks, and then push me off the edge, down into the
Wait. I like to think that astute readers will at this point be all, "What? Rocks? What's with the rocks in the pockets thing?"
(If you weren't wondering this, you've failed at today's astute quiz.)
Okay. See, you all remember about my ocd thing, right? And so one day I was hiking along the lake trail, walking through the areas that are rife with shards of shattered slate. (Ahhh... I love me some alliteration in the a.m.) And I picked up a couple of small, cooly-shaped pieces, put them in my pocket, carried them home and put them down in what had formerly been the area next to my porch where I grew rosemary and lavender. (Some extremely annoying kind of BLIGHT killed off all my rosemary and lavender and I'm going to be annoyed about it FOREVER.)
The pieces of slate looked cool there and I started thinking how cool it would be (sigh), to have a rock garden. A, you know, garden of rock. Because, well, it's not like it's going to die, right? A a whole interesting jumble of slate would also keep those horrible wild sunflower plants from taking over the front of my home. (Last year we had to duck under/climb around them and they have these horrible itchy bristle-things on their huge, thick stalks. It was also tortuous to get rid of the things after they'd assumed monstrous proportions.)
Annnnnnnnyway... (and I've already lost total interest in the whole subject but since I started it...) It was one short ocd step from bringing home a couple small pieces, vowing to bring some home each time I hiked, and wondering how much I'd have by the end of the summer... to becoming, of course, completely obsessed with bringing home the most and the biggest pieces of slate possible. Stuffing the pockets of my shorts (scratching my cell phone!!!), carrying slabs in my hands, surely looking like a COMPLETE IDIOT, hiking around with all my ROCKS.
So see, it was a logical assumption that Trin was actually planning to murder me.
Though, well, apparently she is
"It STINKS! Eww! The lake smells disgusting! Am I supposed to walk through this DIRT? The grass is all messy! Look at these broken rocks everywhere! Mom! Don't touch that rock! You don't know where it's been! These trees are all growing CROOKED. The plants are UNEVEN. The water in that lake is FILTHY. Oh-mi-gawd, did you see that gross TURTLE in the water? It SERIOUSLY STINKS. I should have brought some Febreze! Why didn't you get me some Febreze? I'm never coming here again without my Febreze!"
On and on and on. Especially about the fricking Febrez. Because Trinity is obsessed with Febreze. She regularly requests Febreze and sulks when I don't buy it for her. She says she will only come hiking with me again if I get her a big bottle of Febreze so she can spray it as she walks
Unbelievable.
***
Anyway, this is not the entry I intended to write. This entry became jacked by Febreze.
I'll be back in a bit...
I didn't have to think about the rocks. I just KNEW. I could picture you carefully placing the rocks in your garden.