So I'm hunched over the computer this morning, disheveled, sucking down coffee, laughing with maniacal, albeit quiet, glee.
Sierra walks past and she's all, "What, Mommy?"
I go, "Hah. Hee hee hee! I'm so cool! Listen to what one of my World Lit classmates posted on the discussion board, 'As far as the group work is concerned, I am very disappointed in my group. The only person who does work in group, besides me, is Circe. Circe and I might need to be placed in a new group, because we like working together and wish the rest of our group would work but they do not and it is all just me and Circe and we wish we could be our own group.'
Sierra's all, "Great, Mommy. Congratulations. Another scrap for your monstrous ego."
I go, "Hah! My monstrous ego will take all the scraps it can get!"
***
All summer, all I hear from Rainy is how he is going through puberty. Even as I insist that he is not. He's all, "But Mama! I found three puberty hairs under one of my arms!"
Kill me, someone please. My baby, the last of my little babies, has three "puberty hairs!" It's too much to take.
***
I found another tortoise the other day.
I only held it for a few minutes.
I swear.
***
There was a huge Texas rat snake in the hen house the other day. Which explains the recent no-egg issue.
I hauled it out and tried for five or seven minutes to actually pick it up but it was too grumpy. I finally had to shoo it into a box and then get Sierra to hold the box closed while we drove up the road a couple miles to release it where it will hopefullybite my neighbors not return.
As Sierra was dumping it out of the box, I called out my open car window, "Does it look familiar? Do you think it's one of the snakes from last year?"
She actually took a second look at the writhing, hissing, very grumpy serpent. "I don't think so, Mommy," she finally replied. "I think you're getting new snakes this year."
***
Fran just called to say he mailed off the kids' three fifty-buck savings bonds. He's all, "After you cash them, do you think you can mail me some money to pay my rent?"
After eighty-six seconds of my laughter, he finally decided to laugh too and act like he was joking.
***
Next snake, I'm mailing to Fran.
Sierra walks past and she's all, "What, Mommy?"
I go, "Hah. Hee hee hee! I'm so cool! Listen to what one of my World Lit classmates posted on the discussion board, 'As far as the group work is concerned, I am very disappointed in my group. The only person who does work in group, besides me, is Circe. Circe and I might need to be placed in a new group, because we like working together and wish the rest of our group would work but they do not and it is all just me and Circe and we wish we could be our own group.'
Sierra's all, "Great, Mommy. Congratulations. Another scrap for your monstrous ego."
I go, "Hah! My monstrous ego will take all the scraps it can get!"
***
All summer, all I hear from Rainy is how he is going through puberty. Even as I insist that he is not. He's all, "But Mama! I found three puberty hairs under one of my arms!"
Kill me, someone please. My baby, the last of my little babies, has three "puberty hairs!" It's too much to take.
***
I found another tortoise the other day.
I only held it for a few minutes.
I swear.
***
There was a huge Texas rat snake in the hen house the other day. Which explains the recent no-egg issue.
I hauled it out and tried for five or seven minutes to actually pick it up but it was too grumpy. I finally had to shoo it into a box and then get Sierra to hold the box closed while we drove up the road a couple miles to release it where it will hopefully
As Sierra was dumping it out of the box, I called out my open car window, "Does it look familiar? Do you think it's one of the snakes from last year?"
She actually took a second look at the writhing, hissing, very grumpy serpent. "I don't think so, Mommy," she finally replied. "I think you're getting new snakes this year."
***
Fran just called to say he mailed off the kids' three fifty-buck savings bonds. He's all, "After you cash them, do you think you can mail me some money to pay my rent?"
After eighty-six seconds of my laughter, he finally decided to laugh too and act like he was joking.
***
Next snake, I'm mailing to Fran.
What breed of snake will be traveling by USP? Something more cranky that the black snake? ;-P
I think a box of scorpions would be more poetic... Oh wait, is there anything Fran is horribly allergic to (besides personal responsibility and honest work)?
This is the summer for puberty. My baby emerged from her bath and announced that she shaved her legs! I don't want her to grow up.