Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be
be
I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
(Blue October)
***
I decided to go hiking. Try to walk away my angst. Even though it's Sunday and I avoid the hiking trail on the weekends like... like... Like I'm going to avoid sex and social interaction FOREVER.
And here's why. (The hiking on weekends part. Not the sex/social interaction part. You-all probably already know about the social interaction/sex thing.) And I'm in a bad mood so I'm probably going to be all intolerant, biased, and mean. (But I don't care.)
Okay. It's an eleven-acre lake, a mile-and-a-half "wilderness" trail. (I go around twice. 'Cause its always better the second time around, right?) The trail is all up and down, narrow in places, and rocky (yesss!). There's some guy that maintains it. The Park and Rec people want him to do it. I've met him a couple times (he gave me a dvd he'd made of a "virtual hike"). He's a retired professor of something, and he spends his retirement keeping the trail cleared. He's out there, telling me how he likes to keep the trail clear of roots and rocks and poison oak and vines and stuff because a lot of the hikers would stumble or trip or wander into poison oak and just have a generally difficult time with a rocky/viney/rooty/poison oaky path. (And, of course, I was privately thinking that if it were up to me, I'd be out there adding more roots, rocks, and vines, transplanting big clumps of poison oak, because I think that what we seriously need to do is thin out the weak hikers...)
Anyway, so the guy's told me that on weekends there're, like, three hundred people going around the trail and so I renewed my vow to avoid the whole area on weekends. Except, well, for today, because I was all upset, mad at myself for wanting to be pretty-or-something, and so I thought that stomping around the trail, picking up another 13 pounds of slate might be a good idea, and so me and my terrier hit the road, hiking trail bound.
Blah blah, enough backstory. The thing IS, I think, like, a hundred people got on my nerves. (I probably exaggerate; it's Sunday and most people were in church around here.) And my annoyance has inspired me to create a freaking list. A freaking list of the freaking things that get on my freaking nerves. And here it is:
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be
be
I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
(Blue October)
***
I decided to go hiking. Try to walk away my angst. Even though it's Sunday and I avoid the hiking trail on the weekends like... like... Like I'm going to avoid sex and social interaction FOREVER.
And here's why. (The hiking on weekends part. Not the sex/social interaction part. You-all probably already know about the social interaction/sex thing.) And I'm in a bad mood so I'm probably going to be all intolerant, biased, and mean. (But I don't care.)
Okay. It's an eleven-acre lake, a mile-and-a-half "wilderness" trail. (I go around twice. 'Cause its always better the second time around, right?) The trail is all up and down, narrow in places, and rocky (yesss!). There's some guy that maintains it. The Park and Rec people want him to do it. I've met him a couple times (he gave me a dvd he'd made of a "virtual hike"). He's a retired professor of something, and he spends his retirement keeping the trail cleared. He's out there, telling me how he likes to keep the trail clear of roots and rocks and poison oak and vines and stuff because a lot of the hikers would stumble or trip or wander into poison oak and just have a generally difficult time with a rocky/viney/rooty/poison oaky path. (And, of course, I was privately thinking that if it were up to me, I'd be out there adding more roots, rocks, and vines, transplanting big clumps of poison oak, because I think that what we seriously need to do is thin out the weak hikers...)
Anyway, so the guy's told me that on weekends there're, like, three hundred people going around the trail and so I renewed my vow to avoid the whole area on weekends. Except, well, for today, because I was all upset, mad at myself for wanting to be pretty-or-something, and so I thought that stomping around the trail, picking up another 13 pounds of slate might be a good idea, and so me and my terrier hit the road, hiking trail bound.
Blah blah, enough backstory. The thing IS, I think, like, a hundred people got on my nerves. (I probably exaggerate; it's Sunday and most people were in church around here.) And my annoyance has inspired me to create a freaking list. A freaking list of the freaking things that get on my freaking nerves. And here it is:
Circe's Hiking DO NOT List
I'm thinking I should stop my list at 10. Before it gets REALLY ugly.
- DO NOT chain smoke while you are hiking.
- DO NOT throw your cigarrette butts on the trail (see rule 1.)
- DO NOT wear a freaking ton of perfume/cologne. People! I can freaking SMELL you before I freaking SEE you! You're umm, HIKING, right? You're supposed to be sniffing NATURE.
- DO NOT be ambling around sucking down a freaking Big Gulp (and tossing your empty cup out on the trail). It just freaking bugs me.
- DO NOT be so effing LOUD. Geez! I can hear you shreiking and laughing all the way across the lake! Can't you be a little bit quiet? I'm trying to
avoid going on a killing spreecommune with nature here! - DO NOT have your mean dogs off-leash. Are you INSANE? If you're one of those people who's identity depends heavily on having some poor unsocialized inbred pitbull, keep the thing on a freaking leash. Because I've got thirteen pounds of slate and I know how to freaking use it. And if your dog comes at me or my terrier, I'm going to bash the poor thing's head in.
- DO NOT wear flip-flops on the trail. Just... don't. It bugs me.
- DO NOT hold hands with your... lovah while you are hiking. Just... knock it off. Hiking is not the place for public displays of affection. Plus it's too hot to be holding hands. Plus the trail is too narrow and steep for that silly crap. So just stop. You're bugging me.
- DO NOT talk to me. Please. Seriously. "Hi," "Hello," "Good morning," even "How you doing?" is enough. Really. It is. I'm not here to talk. I don't want to talk. Stop talking to me.
- DO NOT try to walk with me. Are you SERIOUSLY INSANE? I don't know you, I don't want to walk with you, I don't even want to know you EXIST. I'm here to exercise and think and calm down and gather rocks. The only company I want is that of my little dog. Do I LOOK sociable? No. No I do not. Please... leave me alone.
I'm thinking I should stop my list at 10. Before it gets REALLY ugly.
I wanna print up the hiking list because I am walking on the same trail different state...
9 - You really hate me. When I'm out hiking and I meet lone people,
I feel much closer to them than the average man in the street, so
I am much more likely to greet them or say hello to them. Mountaintops
are even worse that way for me.
I have a few rules for dealing with lone women, though. Anything other
than the dryest greeting is too much, and inappropriately friendly.
I'm totally with you on intentional planting of poison oak and
poison ivy, though. Let's form a nonprofit. I doubt that it is
against the law in any state.
No, see, a dry greeting is perfectly fine. I don't even mind when someone makes the "Nice dog," comment.
Excellent idea on the toxic plant nonprofit. (Can we make a little bit of profit?) Cacti might be cool as well. Too bad it probably IS illegal to strategically release poisonous serpents...