I'm trying to will myself into feeling energetic. Just, you know, a little bit energetic. Enough to hike three miles. And then get home, shower, study a bit, get Sierra to Driving School, travel fifty miles with Trinity so that I can pay fifty bucks and get fingerprinted so that I can sub next school year. Then get back, get Sierra, get Rainy, get home, study more blah blah, watch chickens, watch Firefly on Netflix with kids, eat, sleep. Oh, and I should try to mow a little bit. Even though it is amazingly hot, Horribly hot. Ridiculously hot. (Really, really hot.)
You know what hurts a little? Not too much, because I know it's not true and not right, but a little bit? Before the horrible descent into politics, Larry was all criticizing me for being in college at my age. Apparently it's a joke, anyone over thirty still or back in college. He says he laughs when he thinks of people my age in college, that it's just a waste of time. He said I should get a real job, start mowing lawns, go around town and offer to mow lawns for twenty bucks a lawn, stop fucking around with college. He's all telling me that I'm going to fifty before I get out of school and then I'm going to be too old anyway to get hired and it'll all be a waste of time. He said I don't know how things really are.
It hurts a little bit. And I guess it can be argued that any time something hurts, the person experiencing the pain worries that only truth hurts. So I guess I'm scared he's right? That I'm too old, that I'm just wasting my time? He said there's plenty of good jobs around for people who want to work and that I don't need college. But where are these jobs? And what do they pay? And I don't want to somehow drag my nearly-broken mower behind my VW, go to all my neighbors (who all have better mowers than me and do their own effing mowing), and offer to do their lawns for twenty bucks.
I guess it's also painful, hearing, experiencing Larry like this. He seems so mean. So close-minded. In the midst of the political argument he yelled at me, "I'm one of the smartest people you know, and I know what I'm talking about!" And I thought, 'Well. Hmm. No. You're not. I don't think you are anymore, because this is just hateful crazy-talk.'
I'd go on at greater length about the stuff he believes. The racist, homophobic, intolerant, hateful and crazy stuff. But it's nothing new. I mean, he's echoing the typical insanity.
Did he always used to be this way? Or at least have the predilection? Probably. But I remember him as being kinder.
On the phone long distance, a long, long distance, part of me wanted to just say, "Larry, Larry, you need to stop this. This isn't you. Come on, knock it off. It's me, it's me, now stop this, this isn't how you really are..." Like I could convince him. Or calm him. Or change him. Like, if I were there with him and not on the phone, I could have wrapped myself around him and he would be different.
Eh.
I better go.
You know what hurts a little? Not too much, because I know it's not true and not right, but a little bit? Before the horrible descent into politics, Larry was all criticizing me for being in college at my age. Apparently it's a joke, anyone over thirty still or back in college. He says he laughs when he thinks of people my age in college, that it's just a waste of time. He said I should get a real job, start mowing lawns, go around town and offer to mow lawns for twenty bucks a lawn, stop fucking around with college. He's all telling me that I'm going to fifty before I get out of school and then I'm going to be too old anyway to get hired and it'll all be a waste of time. He said I don't know how things really are.
It hurts a little bit. And I guess it can be argued that any time something hurts, the person experiencing the pain worries that only truth hurts. So I guess I'm scared he's right? That I'm too old, that I'm just wasting my time? He said there's plenty of good jobs around for people who want to work and that I don't need college. But where are these jobs? And what do they pay? And I don't want to somehow drag my nearly-broken mower behind my VW, go to all my neighbors (who all have better mowers than me and do their own effing mowing), and offer to do their lawns for twenty bucks.
I guess it's also painful, hearing, experiencing Larry like this. He seems so mean. So close-minded. In the midst of the political argument he yelled at me, "I'm one of the smartest people you know, and I know what I'm talking about!" And I thought, 'Well. Hmm. No. You're not. I don't think you are anymore, because this is just hateful crazy-talk.'
I'd go on at greater length about the stuff he believes. The racist, homophobic, intolerant, hateful and crazy stuff. But it's nothing new. I mean, he's echoing the typical insanity.
Did he always used to be this way? Or at least have the predilection? Probably. But I remember him as being kinder.
On the phone long distance, a long, long distance, part of me wanted to just say, "Larry, Larry, you need to stop this. This isn't you. Come on, knock it off. It's me, it's me, now stop this, this isn't how you really are..." Like I could convince him. Or calm him. Or change him. Like, if I were there with him and not on the phone, I could have wrapped myself around him and he would be different.
Eh.
I better go.
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