Recently in motor madness Category

You may think I'm obsessed.

It's true, I'm obsessed.

It's been a really, really long time since I had fun wrenching on a vehicle. I think the last time I actually had fun working on my car, I mean really working on it, was my first Toyota truck (a 1979 SR5 long bed). I used to do all kinds of crap to it, because it was so easy to work on. More recently, the only car I've really spent any time on was my red Jeep wrangler; mostly minor bolt-ons or removals.

I've never worked on my own motorcycles significantly; never really a been a big customizer. But when I set out to replace my Trophy (a big beast of a bike, all covered in full-body plastic), I had a couple of criteria: light, nimble, and most of all, no fucking plastic. I wanted to be able to work on it, whatever bike I chose.

When I settled, after considerable thought and research, on a Bonneville, I couldn't have picked a much more customization-friendly platform. All the bikes in the bonneville family (The original Bonnie, the Scrambler, and the Thruxton) share a uniform frame, engine, and geometry; so parts are almost completely interchangeable. Being the product of a long history of chopping, bobbing, and café-ing, there's also a huge market out there for parks, kits and gear.

There are literally dozens of vendors making and selling parts, and hundreds of easy bolt-on options. For a beginner, one could spend thousands before getting up into the range of work that's actually difficult, and for experienced wrenchers, there's really no limit to what you can do to these things. Like the original 60s Triumphs, they're made to be re-made.

To say I'm having fun with this is an understatement; I'm having an absolute fucking ball.

My list of things to do is just getting longer and longer, from changes to the air intake (air box removal kit and air injection removal), to the exhaust (black pipes, predator cans), to the rear wheel (fatter tire), to a new tank to replace that tiny teacup of a tank the Thruxton comes with. There are about a hundred other things I could do, ranging from power increases to paint; time and money are my limits.

But here's my next customization.

One of the common objections to the Bonneville family is the ugly-ass tail light and signal cluster, which looks like something off of a '50s scooter or the back of an Edsel. There are many after-market tail-light and turn signal options that are more in line with the bike's sixties/seventies styling.

Alternately, particularly among Café Racer enthusiasts, one of the most common mods is what's called a Fender Removal Kit, or FEK, which removes the rear fender entirely, replacing it with a plate under the seat (to protect wiring), and a minimal tail-light and license bracket.

Every major Triumph parts dealer offers an option for this, each approaching it a bit differently. I wound up with the kit from British Customs, mainly because I liked the 'cats-eye' tail light (though also because the wiring harness they provide is particularly user-friendly).

To go with this, I chose a pair of turn signals from Harrison Specialties, which I just happened to stumble on via a Buell forum. They satisfied my taste for aggressive, bullet-shaped turn signals and super-bright LEDs. I admit it, I'm a whore for LEDs, I've replaced all the turns, all the idiot lights, the gauge illumination, and would replace all the lights on my car too, if I had the time.

Below are some pictures; compare the look of the rear fender here, to the new version, here and here. The difference in terms of a clean, classic, retro appearance is worlds apart, and I couldn't be happier with it.

Other smaller mods are a ignition relocation kit from Joker Machine (who make the coolest shit ever), moving the ignition from next to the headlight (a dumb-ass place for it; it's ugly there, and it's awkward to reach), and small fairing-mount front turn signals, and a billet choke knob, also from Joker.

Below is a slide show; let me know if you can't get to the whole set.

(this seems to be broken at the moment, it's not clear why, but I'll fix it shortly)

There are a whole lot of other parts I installed as part of this, though most of that's only interesting if you own a Triumph you're working on. Read on if you're interested in the hard details

Here's my first significant attempt at customization on my Thruxton.

(I'm trying a MobileMe embed here, it should be a slide show, let me know if it isn't).

After a ton of research and a ton of over-thinking, I finally pulled the trigger and ordered a fairing for my Thruxton.

Sold by Bella Corse as the "Cafe Racer 1/4 "Bikini" Fairing", it's an Emgo "Viper"; your basic, old-school ABS plastic, universal mount fairing.

It's more or less exactly what I had in mind when I first started thinking about fairings; reasonably cheap, really easy to install, and looks as retro as hell.

I'm pretty damned happy with it.

Next on the list to do is new turn signals; I had to remove the stockers to fit this, but I hate the stock signals, so it's a win both ways. I have these beautiful billet LED lights from Joker Machine to install; that's my next project (I need some additional wiring to convert things to LED).

I'm having far to much fun with this project; every little thing I do makes this motorcycle feel like mine.

More pix of the project as it progresses.

Ok, here's the new Koolknobs shift knob in place - plus custom shift boot by ShiftStyle, and hotrod flames on the console by Barb.

(click for a larger view)

Edit: For those who keep asking what the HELL is that?, it's a rattlesnake's rattle. Actually it will look great with my boots.

Come on, you know you want to play with my knob. Admit it!

I'm still filtering ideas about a full custom shift knob; there are too many great ideas, and I don't wanna rush because then I'll have a better idea the day my first one arrives, and need another. I found Bruce at Koolknobs can make 'em out of printed material also so I can use original artwork emailed as well as physical objects.

I've also considered using a MacRae clan badge, or even a piece of tartan fabric (I have a kilt sample in MacRae Red).

Too many ideas. Hence, I'm getting the above rattle-snake knob, because you know what I am?

B-b-b-Bad!

(sing it with me now)

Shed a sad, sad tear for the death of the land yacht.

(waves goodbye)

A year ago, I made a silly, whim purchase. It was a deal, as they say, too good to pass up, on a vehicle I loved, but never really felt good about.

Since buying my Titan, I've loved driving it, hated parking it, enjoyed it's roominess, made great use of it's functionality for hauling, and increasingly, raged at it in gas stations.

My friends asked to borrow it, asked me to help them move, and lambasted me over global warming, the death of polar bears, melting ice caps.

And I've never quite dealt with it being, you know, tan.

Today I gave up. Dinosaurs, inevitably, must seek tar pits.

You're only as young as you drive, and my new ride is pretty fucking young.

I spent last night trying to write; my family were out, and I was alone, and reasonably free of urgent must-do tasks after having worked most of the weekend.

I had in mind a short piece of erotica, something inspired by a scene in an episode of The Shield (the phrase 'take it' has a way of inspiring my erotoc imagination). I have characters in mind and the barest bones of a story.

Alas, I had a can't-sit-still moment. I felt like I'd been pounding Pimp Juice all evening;Iwound up fidgeting and twitching, couldn't stay in my chair long enough to actually keep my hands on my keyboard. Instead, I did laundry, washed dishes, and then finally managed to watch the season two opener of Torchwood (James Marsters snoggin' John Barrowman; I mean, come ON, how can you not love this show a little?).

At least I got something started, though, so we'll see. By boss is on vacation, and that used to be a good time to write, back when I had a little leeway to goof off; but who knows, maybe I'll find a couple of hours this week for producing slacking.

In other news, my truck is due back somewhere around the end of the week. I miss it like a walrus misses his bucket. I'm drivin' a tan mini-van right now, and I could not feel more out of place than I do in this vehicle. The only good thing about vans is that when the seats come out, there're a great place for a mid-day shag, but who has time for a mid day shag anymore? Plus, I just put a better stereo with ipod integration in my truck, and I'm about to tear off my own ears from having to listen to the radio.

How this happened is rather a long story. Let's just say there was a lamp-post, and a concrete garbage can. Was, because they suffered sudden, catastrophic failure when introduced rather rudely to my truck.

"Hello lamp-post,
What cha knowin'?"

This is the aftermath vis-à-vis y truck. The other parties faired less well and are now more or less expensive land fill, but alas I seem to have no photographic evidence.

There was absolutely no intoxicant involved in this. I swear. Unless you count Hunnid Racks.

I pulled the trigger.

That ain't mine - mine's an 06 and it's a darker color (they call it granite, I call it gun-metal gray). But it's close enough.

Pix of the real one to be posted as soon as I get time.

Edit: I found a better pic that's closer in color. Still not mine but you get the idea.

I have not fully escaped the tenacious grip of toadian motor madness.

I try. Stop thinking about it i tell myself. Spend thee no money on wheels.

But they call, the motor vehicles. Take me home they say, in a hellish chorus of steel and rubber and internal combustion. Take me home, temptresses with shiny paint and gleaming chrome.

I can resist anything but temptation, as they say.

After the modern muscle car that recently held my fancy (and from which I reluctantly turn aside, high price and un-proven mechanical merit gradually drowning out the take-me-home-tonight siren song of the word hemi), I've turned back in time to a former love.

Trucks, I say. That's what I'm all about.

While my first car, and my second, were boat-sized american iron from the third quarter of last century, the first two vehicles I ever bought with my own hard-earned dough, and the first and only new car I ever bought myself (and i say that again, for emphasis, one, and only one, in near thirty years as a driver. I've bought myself only one new, shiny vehicle) were both trucks.

I've owned a lot of vehicles over the years. Five or six different motorcycles, two jeeps, an impala, three mini-vans, two trucks, three or four SUVs, a datsun 200sx, a chevy nova, and I'm sure a couple more I can't quite recall. And of all these, when I run them through my head, four stand out out (not counting the motorcycles). The Jeeps (one inherited from my father, one bought used as a replacement for Dad's under-powered wrangler), and the trucks (both blue, both toyota). Those were me.

I have a bit of ego invested in what I drive. I've come to that conclusion of late, while pondering practical solutions to a practical vehicle problem. I look at a wide range on non-descript, affordable, practical, fuel-efficient options. And I cannot even imagine owning them.

I try to think practical. Utilitarian. Solve the problem - Form Follows Function, as my friend Stephen, the founder of Utilikilts, like to say.

I can't do it. Car as Ego.

I hate driving a mini-van. Yet I can see driving a seventies party van. I hate driving a sedan; yet I would love to drive a cadillac (an old one, not the more recent, soulless ones). I can imagine driving a rolling oddity like a Scion xB, yet I can't imagine driving it's less odd brother, the xA

My car needs to say here's who i am to me.

And so I return to that old love, the truck.

Of course the very first thing I do is to start thinking in size-queen terms. I shop up the ladder; big, bigger, and then on to fuckin' huge. Trucks so big I'd need two garages to park them.

I wouldn't have something like that if you gave it to me; yet I am shopping for it. I can't stop. I'm almost to Monster Truck territory with this.

I'm picturing riding high in some stupid-huge truck with my tattooed arm out the window; Hey baby. And they wonder what I'm compensating for.

And then I wind it back; what do I need, actually? And I step back through Dodge Rams and Toyota Tundras and Nissan Titans (which I think of as the Nissan Titanic, and that makes me want one), and wind up back down at a level that's just close enough to sane that I can think about it, which is where the danger in. Trucks with names like Frontier and Tacoma.

I sat down the other day and calculated trade-in values and car payments, and thought about selling my Peets stock to make up the difference.

And I fear, when I finish this, I may go test drive.

Someone stop me. I don't need a truck.

I'm in the grips of full-on motor madness, à la Mister Toad.

This all started because of my kids (really). See, I drive a jeep wrangler. And that's a great vehicle, if impractical; it can take the beating, it goes forever with only minimal maintenance, it looks great dirty or scratched or dented. And in the summer, i can take off the top and doors, so getting into and out of the back is easy.

But in the winter, the hard top is on. And if you've ever gotten in and out of the back of a small car, you know how this is. Jeeps are small; really small.

When my kids were small, this was nothing. They could scramble in through the back like hamsters in a habitrail, and they loved getting in and out of a car this way. Only, they're no longer small. The big one, just turned 13, is as tall as I am, with longer legs, and she has my build (mile wide shoulders). The little one (eight and a half) is almost a foot taller than most of her class mates, and while not built as much like a linebacker as I am, is still a burly kid.

So gettin' em in and out of the back is starting to be a pain. They fight over who has to ride in back all winter, when we have four in the jeep.

So that's where it started. I started making a list of reasons I needed to think about a more practical vehicle. It started with the wrangler unlimited, Jeep's new version of the cj8 Scrambler, a longer wheelbase jeep. This is a great vehical and it was smart of Jeep to re-release it, but it has some big trade-offs (longer wheelbase means you lose some of the handling qualities that make a wrangler so brilliant to drive). Then Jeep released the four-door wrangler unlimited. I was working up some serious lust for that, until i actually saw them in hawaii. And it turns out they're really pretty ugly, like someone mated a wrangler with a hummer and got the worst of each.

Meanwhile, some time back I was talking to CG about cars, and she pointed out the new Dodge Charger.

I didn't really notice it at the time. Sure, a new sedan with the old name. Whatever. But i looked at it and noticed a key word.

HEMI