I usually don't play the "my stripper name" or "my porn star name" thing.

This one, I couldn't resist.

According to the Outlaw Biker Name Generator, my one percenter name is:

Ol' Ratso of the Donkey Punchers MC

(Thanks, Syl)

The game, courtesy of Miss Syl, was:

* Pick 15 of your favorite movies
* Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie
* Post them on your blog for everyone to guess (no fucking googling them! I'll know!)
* Fill in the film title once it’s been guessed

Edit: Jeff MacDude, Hiromi and Darkneuro are in with lists. This is a pretty good game.

In fact I didn't get to fifteen, due to short attention span or something. Eleven will have to do.

Some of these seem easy. Some not so much.

1) "What an eccentric performance."
Monty Python and the Holy Grail - good one, Ray.

2) "Arrange food, drink, entertainment, and a sit-down orgy for forteen."
a Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum - Jeff Hoover who has great taste in movies

3) "Harlock, you've either been drinking or you're suffering from severe combat fatigue."
Incredible Mister Limpet; when I was a kid, this was my favorite movie. (no one got this one - I sorta hoped jjh would know it!)

4) "Dear Buddha, please bring me a pony and a plastic rocket... "
Serenity - guessed by Bluwhls. I knew there was a Browncoat in the bunch.

5) "Do you know the meaning of love, professor?"
20,000 leagues under the Sea. A whale of a tale to tell ya lads, but no one got this one.

6) "Just try and keep it from turning into a fucking bloodbath, all right? Not like last time."
Desperado. I'm surprised no one got this; It's pretty much the best action film ever made.

7) "I eat the pussy, I eat the butt, I eat every motherfuckin' thang."
True Romance - guessed by Charlotte. I love that line.

8) "You stupid, ignorant son of a bitch, dumb bastard. Jesus Christ. I've met some dumb bastards in my time but you outdo them all. "
the SIlver Streak, one of my all-time favorite comedies. NIce job, jjh!

9) "Queen Elizabeth is a man! Prince Charles is a faggot! Winston Churchill was full of shit! Shakespeare's French!"
American Werewolf in London - Hiromi got this one!

10) "For twenty dollars I can tell you a lot of things. For thirty dollars I can tell you more. And for fifty dollars I can tell you *everything*."
Pee Wee's Big Adventure - guess by Syl, of course.

11) "Nuclear weapons, Jack. They mean nothing. Everybody's got them, nobody has the balls to use them. Am I right?"
*more quotes, same film:
Innerspace. No one got this one.

What kind of (Deadwood) Cocksucker are you? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Al Swearengen You have carved out your powerbase from the mud under your feet and you'll be damned if some cocksucker is going to take it. You know how to play the fancy politician's games, but you know how to play things the frontier way too. If that means getting blood on your hands, so be it. (Al Swearengen is played by Ian McShane) Al Swearengen 88% Alma Garret 69% Cy Tolliver 69% Trixie 63% Doc Cochran 56% Calamity Jane 56% Seth Bullock 50% Joanie Stubbs 38% Mr Wu 31% E. B. Farnum 25%

On my first try I was Seth Bullock. I like this result better. In reality I'm somewhere in between.

I am, actually, distantly related to the real life Al Swearengen - no lie.

(thx to my One True Love, miz Chelsea Summers for the quiz.)

Your Score: Serious Cat

22% Affectionate, 36% Excitable, 60% Hungry

Hungry for knowledge in any internet forum, you demand decorum. Any off-topic remarks, absurd statements, or tomfoolery on the interweb is deeply frowned upon by you. Truth has no room for drollery.

To see all possible results, checka dis.

I'm terribly, terribly sorry.

(no i'm not)

$4140.00The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth. From Mingle2 - Free Online Dating

That pretty much tells the tale, doesn't it? I'm wondering though, if the tattoos and piercings raise or lower the value?

A week or so ago i posted a meme for which I'd been tagged.

Read that here.

As I said, seven were true, one was not.

Here you go:

1 (feet diff. sizes)- true. But at least they're not both left feet.

3 (mysterious half sister) - true. I need to do an entry on this whole tale someday. Mom, it turns out, was what you might call a wayward girl.

4 (enormous bong) - true. I should post a picture of this massive contraption. It's from when I worked at Tower, and I used to bring home all manner of drug paraphernalia. It's almost all gone now, but for some reason I can't part with this thing, it's too bizarre.

5 (celebrity encounters) - true. Heather later introduced herself to me ("Hi, I'm Heather"), as if I didn't know that already.

6 (teenage girl/catholic church) - true. This is the one that seemed to get all the votes. I was a teenage boy at the time so it wasn't quite as colorful as it sounded. Neither one of us was a catholic, and nether one of us was dressed as a schoolgirl.

7 (high on stolen weed) - true. The 'rents were big stoners for a while there.

8 (cat claw) - true. When I was a kid, the pet door was in my bedroom. The cat came tearing into the house one morning (no idea what was chasing her), and went directly across my bed and across my face, leaving scars you can still see next to my eye. She left a little hunk of claw embedded in the wound, and since I never went to the doctor about it, it healed over leaving a tiny souvenir.

and the lie:

2 (bridesmaid blowjob) - true, but not for me. I was at the bar drinking with the husband (actually he was the fiancé I now recall), while my buddy (a drummer) went out to his truck with said bridemaid. This woman two years later said to me "I don't like the way you hug, it's too intimate", which sort of shows where she drew the line on 'intimate'.

The only one who got this right was Bitchy; she already rocks, but now she, you know, rocks even more.

Good tries, the rest of you people.

Ok, i got tagged on this one (lifts shirt to show indecipherable spray-paint marking).

I don't usually respond to the tag kinda meme (nor dares neither), but a meme that came from susie bright, in which she tagged two of my very favorite girl-sex-bloggers (bitchy and chelsea) is simply hard to say no to.

Or maybe it's just that BJ and CG are both impossible to say no to.

In any case, here are the rules:

1. Post these rules before you present the facts.
2. Start with eight random facts/habits about yourself.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

But the game seems to have taken on '6. ...and then change the rules'.

So I'm gonna flip CG's meme and give you seven true, and one not. See if you can pick the one.

1) My feet are different sizes; really different sizes. I care just barely wear a pair of shoes, and one's always too big or two small.

2) I once got a blowjob from one of the bridemaids at a wedding, while her husband was inside drinking shots with my friends.

3) I have a half sister I didn't know about until I was in my 20s. I kind of wish I'd met her without knowing who she was so - well, you can finish that story for yourself.

4) Despite the fact that I don't smoke pot, I still own a bong that is made up of roughly eight feet of plexiglass tubing and five feet of rubber hose.

5) I've bought drinks for Todd Rundgren, talked about tropical fish with Tom Waits, and almost saw Heather Locklear get pantsed by her daughter.

6) I once fucked a teenage girl in a catholic church.

7) The first time I got high it was weed I'd stolen from my parents.

8) I have a hunk of cat claw embedded in my left cheek.

Have fun. I won't tag anyone else but if you steal, steal well.

How evil are you?

Right, like there was any question.

(stolen from the lovely and talented pst)

Stolen from the lovely and talented OG, because it's about time for a Really Stupid Quiz:

From Fifth at Shoeless - Fuck Memes.

     Reply to this post, and I'll tell you one or two (maybe even three) reasons why I hate you.

     Then put this in your own journal, and spread the hate.

I love this.

EDIT:

New rule. After I tell you why I hate you, you don't get to respond. BECAUSE I HATE YOU.

I've seen this before but it's most recently stolen from Merrick.

Thus, the iTunes 'Soundtrack of my Life' meme.

Here's the instructions:

1. Open your library on your iPod (or in iTunes).
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the Next button.

Here's what I got (with itunes, I don't have my nano handy):

Opening Credits: "Time to Kill!" - Horslips, 'The Tain;'
Waking Up: "Beside You Heros" - totom, 'With Boots' (I don't even know what this is or where I got it)
Falling in Love: "Ecstasy" - Spacemen 3, 'Perfect Prescription'
Fight Song: "Making Memories" - Rush, 'Fly by Night'
Breakup Song: "Little Angel" - Bleed the Day, 'Bleed the Day'
Making Up Song: "High Friends in Places" - Giant Drag, 'Hearts and Unicorns'
Life’s Okay Song: "Crimes of Paris" - Elvis Costello, 'Blood and Chocolate'
Mental Breakdown: "Subhuman" - Blue Öyster Cult, 'Secret Treaties'
Driving: "Master of Puppets" - Metallica, 'Damage, Inc'
Flashbacks: "I Love You" - Matthew Sweet, 'Kimi Ga Suki'
Happy Dance: "Reconsider Me" - Warren Zevon, 'Genius' (and Kirsten, I owe you a huge thanks for that CD)
Regret: "FireFly Theme" - Sonny Rhodes, "Firefly"
Final Battle: "Sam's Tune" - Cannonball Adderly, 'Sophisticated Swing'
Death Scene: "Not Ready Yet" - Eels, 'Beautiful Freak'
Final Credits: "Crystal Gazing" - Be Bop Deluxe, 'Sunburst Finish'

I'm somewhat amused at a few of these, though I keep wanting to make edits or switch them around. And I'll admit that one of these I did edit, not using the song that came up. I'm not saying which one.

Because I can't resist a stupid quiz: The Rocky Horror Picture Show Test (stolen from Ordinary Goddess).

But trust me you really don't wanna see me in drag. I'm no Tim Curry

Swiped this meme from Hiromi. (You know, i didn't realize meme was a dawkins-ism. It all makes much more sense to me now, AND it becomes obvious that somehow 'meme' has come to mean 'stupid quiz' around the blogosphere, rather than it's original meaning. But that's neither here nor there.)

1. One book that changed your life - hardest question first.

God that one's hard to answer. What does changed my life mean? Books that made me see something a new way? Sure, but what if it's a small thing? Drawing of the Dark forever changed the way I see beer; Last Call forever changed the way I see Vegas and poker. But these are not my life, they're just how I see certain things in it.

So what did change my life? I can only go back to the books that made me start reading, because it's reading itself that changed my life, more than any other thing. There are a number of them that I could pick, books that were read to me, or that I read early. But the book that made me, as a child, say, I need to read (need, not want) was the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, or possibly the second book in the Narnia chronicles, Prince Caspian (and yes, that's the second - whomever decided to re-number those books on internal chronology should die for fucking that up for so many young readers.)

I don't choose this book because of what it is; it could have been any book, any good book. I choose this because of when it was and who I became when I decided I needed to pick it up and read. Mom could not keep up with my voracious need for more, and so I gave up on being read to and took up the book myself. And the universe opened to me.

2. One Book That You've Read More Than Once.

One? Let's forget the obvious (the above chronicles, lord of the rings, etc). Let's even forget Tim Powers, whose books I always read at least twice. Let's go with Harry Potter, because there's just not enough Harry Potter.

3. One Book That You'd Want On A Desert Island.

I'm boring, but this might wind up being Lord of the Rings again. That books has never been able to bore me, and with it's appendices, you've got your own language right there.

But i might choose some book on writing. I'll have time to kill, i might as well hone my own chops.

4. One Book That Made You Laugh.

Any Chris Moore would do; but let's go with his funniest, Lamb.

5. One Book That Made You Cry.

Mystic Pig by Richard Katrovas. One of the best novels EVER. Though I could also say GG Kay's Lord of Emperors.

6. One Book That You Wish You Had Written.

I might say, again, Mystic Pig. It's the kind of thing I feel I should be able to write. I might also say one of Dan Fante's books, Mooch or Chump Change. Fante's absolutely brilliant, all his father was and more.

7. One Book You Wish Had Never Been Written.

Leaving out politics and religion, because they're too damned easy and targets, yet it would be hard to choose one from such low hanging fruit as the bible and the qur'an; let's stick with bad pop-culture staples. I have to choose a fantasy epic because I'm a huge fantasy fan and I think the brick of extruded fantasy product is harmful to the entire market (who wants to publish a short novel from an unknown author when you can publish volume 69 of the Saga of Boredinium). Thus, let's say Jordan's Wheel of Time.

I'm not happy with that pick, but then I'm not the just choose one kind of guy.

8. One Book That You Are Reading Right Now.

I'm on the last ten or twenty pages of The God Delusion, of which I'll say more soon. Next on the stack is Bujold's The Sharing Knife.

9. One Book That You Have Been Meaning To Read.

Not one:

Moby Dick
Shadow of the Torturer by Gene Wolfe
Last of the Mohicans
Treasure Island
Lolita
Border Trilogy by Cormac Maccarthy

I could go on, that's just a few of the books in my stuff i should read (vs stuff I will read) stack.

10. Tag five others that you would like to do this meme.

No tags. I don't do tags. Steal at will.

I want to be Thor. Or Batman.

But I'll take Hulk.

You Are 86% Evil

You're the most evil person you know. The devil is even a little scared of you!

...and I didn't even McGyver this one to get get the result I wanted.

Swiped from Damn Jezebel

1. If you could be doing what you really want to be doing for a living, what would it be?

Piracy on the high seas. Or at least being a dive master in some beautiful place.

2. If you could slap the shit out of any famous person, alive or dead, who would it be?

Disney management. Steven Speilberg. Network programmers. Stupid people who are in power.

3. What’s the dumbest decision you’ve made in the past 5 years?

Christ. One? There've been so many.

4. Give up one for a year: (good) sex or (good) music.

Music. That answer comes easily, yet I second guess it.

5. Dudes, would you rather have a big dick or a great sense of humor?

You mean I have to give up one?

6. So you’ve been invited to an all expense paid Blogger Prom in The Bahamas. You’re sitting at the bar on the beach. Which blogger do you want to join you for hours of good convo?

Um. Hell. Just for talk? I'm thinking Ray then. Because we all know he's all talk.

7. Which blogger would you most like to cuddle with on the beach? (and don’t defer to your current signif other either. Infidelity won’t count against you. Duh.)

No matter how I answer this, someone's getting hurt feelings.

8. You’re going on a 5 hour road trip: which 5 CDs do you bring?

Miles - Kind of Blue. King Crimson - one of the collections, I don't know which one. Genesis - Lamb Lies Down on Broadway. Matthew Sweet - Altered Beast. XTC - Black Sea or English Settlement. Right this second. Tomorrow you'd get a different list.

9. Would you rather bury your children young or have your children bury you young?

I don't wan to bury them, they'll just keep squirming back out.

10. What’s your biggest insecurity?

Admitting my insecurities.

11.What’s the first blog you read every day, or however often you read them?

Re-Imagineering.

12. When’s the last time you peed your pants?

Pants?

13. Which was better, your first kiss or your first pay check?

My first paycheck. Though I've had some kisses since that beat any paycheck.

14. Do you have kids? Want kids?

Yes, and no. You can have them.

15. You get dropped off at home after the office holiday party by your bitch azz boss that you can’t effing stand… you exit the car and he peels out, runs a red light at your corner and rolls up an unsuspecting midget. The next day the midget watch groups are on TV outraged at the heartless hit and run, and are calling for any witnesses to please come fwd: that half dead midget has a family at home waiting on C-mas presents. Would you take $1000 hush money? $500? $100? A six pack?

No, but Bridget the Midget could give me something to keep me quiet.

16. Live the rest of your life without your eyebrows or your fingernails?

Who needs eyebrows?

17. What makes you angry?

Lies. Stupidity. Willfull ignorance.

18. What makes you horny?

All y'all.

19. What makes you nervous?

Having you read over my shoulder. GET THE FUCK AWAY.

20. What makes you smile?

A friendly voice. A friend's name in my email. A hug. Bloggers who dream about me.

Hey, I like it.

My pirate name is:

Mad Jack Kidd

Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

A hearty lift 'o the grog-flask to me fine wench Metis for sending' it my way -- ARRRRRRrrrrrrr!

It's a day for memes.

I got to these via Hiromi who got 'em from Whirly who got 'em from Lili who got 'em from Stonesgrl who got 'em from - I dunno, Kevin Bacon maybe. Whatever that order is, here we go:

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Ok. I'll take that Though I was kinda hoping for Easy Rider, like Whirly.

And I'm also:

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

It was between that and Bill Clinton. I'll take JFK.

And I also come out as 83% Phallic and 80% genital on the Freud Inventory Test. Though sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

This is a really dumb quiz. But I happened to find it while I was looking up something about Sin City.

I came up Marv, but I also scored high as Dwight, and as Manute, and, somehow, as That Yellow Bastard. The fact that I'd like to whip jessica alba may have caused that last score to go up.

What Sin City Character are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

But forget the quiz. You tell Me.
Which Sin City character am I?

I was talking about the brilliant Sin City with a friend, and about the types of heros I am forever drawn to.

I was always a huge fan of heros when I was a kid; superheros, sword-wielding barbarians. Brave space captains. I was batman and captain kirk and rocket robin hood and flash gordon, wolverine and aragorn and tarzan of the apes, john carter of mars and dray prescott, lucky starr and conan and shang-shi.

Yet, also, I loved the anti-heros best. The rogues. One of the reasons batman and wolverine and robin hood spoke to me was that they were bad guys on the side of good; robbers and vigilantes and killers, yet, with a moral code.

And then there's the tragic, pointless quest. Bilbo and Sam facing the gates of mordor, knowing their mission isn't really to destroy the ring, for that cannot happen against these odds. Their quest is to die trying. All is hopeless, yet I give up not my hope, I will fight and die for my quest. I will die - but I will not give up.

These things speak to me, and that's one of the reasons I so love both Miller's original Sin City, and Rodriguez' brilliant film version. Because those are the characters who populate this world. Violent, angry, driven men, men who are damaged in one way or another. Men who feel doom weigh upon them, who know they're dead, and strive only to complete the mission before it's all over.

Miller's heros court doom. They love, and desire, and protect. They kill brutally and without remorse, yet they stand between absolute disaster and who or whatever they choose to protect.

These men live short lives in an angry, violent, beautiful world. These are the characters I see in my head; these are the people I feel driven to write. Speaking to said friend, she knew, as only one other friend know, how I felt watching sin city.

To paraphrase, "When you saw this film for the first time, you must have felt as though someone had taken your brain and soul and put then on the screen.". And so I did; this is what I want to write I said, when I was watching the first scene, the assassin and the beautiful woman in the rain.

This is who lives in my head, I thought, when Marv said:

'She smells like angels ought to smell, the perfect woman... the Goddess',

Aand I thought it when Dwight said:

'My warrior woman. My Valkyrie. You'll always be mine, always and never. Never. The Fire, baby. It'll burn us both. It'll kill us both. there's no place in this world for our kind of fire. Always and never. If I have to die for you tonight, I will.'

These people speak the way I feel.

This is how I want to be described, I thought, when Dwight says of Marv, 'He just had the rotten luck of being born in the wrong century. He'd be right at home on some ancient battlefield swinging an axe into somebody's face. Or in a Roman arena, taking his sword to other gladiators like him. They woulda tossed him girls like Nancy back then. '

Doom. Tragedy. Violence. Love and lust and desire. These characters are stripped down to the raw essence of these things; they will burn out brightly, tragically, and they will take you with them if you stand in the way. But they will save you if you need saving, no matter what the cost.

These are the people who live in my head; and I envy Frank Miller more than I can say, for he too carries these people in his head, but he has a way to let them out.

As yet, I do not. Not in action, not in word. I cannot be them, and i cannot write them. Not yet.

Not yet.

When you can't really write you post song lyrics, or you do memes and quizzes.

From Hiromi, who snagged it from El Diablo:

9 lasts
1. last place you were: (wow, that's a vague question, I'll treat it as a travel question): Southern CA.
2. last soda: Probably mountain dew but god knows how long ago. I don't really like soda. Though I do like jack and coke or cuba libras.
3. last kiss: too fucking long ago.
4. last movie seen: Bukowski: Born into This, which was brilliant.
5. last CD you listened to: Disney Bossa Nova. Pretty fucking close to brilliant, if you're a disney fan and/or a bossa nova fan (I'm both).
6. last bubble bath: Alone? Um. Decades.
7. last time you cried: I never cry. Ever. Really.
8. last alcoholic beverage: A tasty chardonnay that I wish I'd written down the name of. It went well with Resident Evil.
9. have you ever gotten drunk and thrown up: Pretty much all of my twenties was spent drunk, though remarkably little actual thrwoing up. That I can remember, anyway. It's been a long long set of years since the last time though.

8 "Have you evers"
1. have you ever dated someone twice: yes, i guess you could say that.
2. have you ever been cheated on: define 'cheat'.
3. have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: I never regret a kiss
4. have you ever fallen in love: all too often
5. have you ever been depressed: i used to think i never got depressed. Now, I wait for the day I'm not.
6. have you ever hit another person: Yes. Not often enough though. My life is filled with those who deserve it who I let slide.
7. have you ever skinny dipped: I own a hot tub. So, you know, yeah, lots.

7 states you’ve been to:
HI, OR, TX, WA, FL, DC, ID, IA, LA, MT, UT, WY, MD, VA, IL. That's more than seven but I can never stop.

6 things you’ve done today.
1) Made coffee
2) Been called a twisted old fuck
3) Written up a stupid meme
4) driven kids to school
5) thought '*sigh*'
6) considered not going to work

But it's only 9am am.

5 favorite things in no particular order (i'm going utterly random here)
the smell of a woman's sweat
my tony creed skull ring
the feeling of being deep under water at night, with the lights out. Utter, complete peace.
hot, strong coffee
A woman's face when she comes - to quote a stupid teevee show, when you've seen a woman's come face, you've seen her soul.

4 favorite colors
I don't really do favorite colors, which drives my kids crazy since they like to think of people as being somehow defined by their favorites; as they say in High Fidelity, "It's not what you are like, it's what you like that matters"

But if I have to pick:
1) Olive drab (The color people so often call khaki, but it's Not Fucking Khaki, it's OD. Khaki is *tan*).
2) British Racing Green (this is the color of my motorcycle, one of the reasons I love t his motorcycle).
3) Gray - one of the predominant colors in my wardrobe.
4) Purple.

3 people you can tell anything to.
There are tiers of this. There's true anything, deepest-darkest, then there's the 'trust them with my life', then there's 'know me really well'. I'm not gonna detail who lives in each tier, by Brutha Ray is on the list of three if I have to pick just three. One of the crazy people who help me stay sane, and I hope I'm that back for him.

2 things you want to do before you die:
Only two? Two at random then:
1) Write a novel
2) Publish something.

1 thing you regret:
Only one?
My regrets live deep in my soul. They turn a knife in my gut. They are few, the things I truly regret, but they are wounds that won't heal.

And of course no tags. Steal or Don't.

I've tried several times  to do the hundred things about me meme but i never ever get it done.

But Hiromi went with 20 out of 100, Syl did 69 things (no wonder I like you, Syl), circe did 20-ish things. And those seem vaguely doable goals.

So I started going and was going to do thirteen, and then was going to do thirty-three, but somehow we wound up at forty-four, which is my age, and a really good calibre for a gun.

Thus, forty-four things about me.

1. I can drive really really well when i'm drunk.
   
   
2. I can't resist cookies, or peanut-butter candy. No willpower at all.
   
   
3. I can't sit still after i eat. i need to jump up and move around. Actually I just can't sit still at all unless I have something to do with my hands. My laptop and wireless access is the only thing that gets me through meetings.
   
   
4. I collect rhinos.
   
   
5. I don't like library books. I want to own a book - I want it there when I want it, and if I love it, I never want it to go away.
   
   
6. I don't like talking on the phone.
   
   
7. I don't think the rules apply to me. Ever.
   
   
8. I fall in love too easily.
   
   
9. I hate fruit and chocolate together. I find the idea nauseating.
   
   
10. I hate having my picture taken.
    
    
11. I hate making plans. I would rather wing everything.
    
    
12. I hate microwave ovens. I'd rather not have one in my kitchen.
    
    
13. I hate when people think they're really good at something, when they actually suck at it. I take it as almost a personal affront.
    
    
14. I have a superstition about fortune cookies. If I read the fortune, I must take a bite of the cookie. I don't even like fortune cookies, so I take a tiny bite and then abandon the rest.
    
    
15. I have trouble reading books that are the least bit badly written - yet I prefer erotica that's very dirty and I don't care if it's badly written as long as it's hot. I love non-consent, incest, any sort of weird taboo stuff. Basically anything out there beyond the range of things I'd do in real life is the stuff I find most erotic in writing.
    
    
16. I interrupt people. I try not to do it, but if you've ever talked to me, even once, I've interrupted you. I try every day to not do it, but can't really say if I'm getting better or not.
    
    
17. I love hats, I own a couple dozens of them. Yet I always feel vaguely dorky when I wear them.
    
    
18. I love women who belch like men when they drink beer.
    
    
19. I never, ever fasten my seatbelt until the car is moving.
    
    
20. I play with knives.
    
    
21. I still read my email with a command-line, text only email reader (mutt). I've tried. Really. I can't even think if I'm not composing with the vi editor.
    
    
22. I talk with my hands. I need to move and gesture to communicate. It actually used to make me uncomfortable on the phone until I got a head-set.
    
    
23. I think gray hair is sexy on women.
    
    
24. I think gun laws are unconstitutional, I think drug laws are insane, I think speed limits cause more accidents than they solve, and I think radar and speed traps are a violation of entrapment laws. My general opinion is that laws make life less good in almost all cases.
    
    
25. I think of myself as five inches taller than I actually am, and I think of my voice as being much deeper than in actually is.
    
    
26. I thought the apple iMac was a terrible idea. I thought the web browser was a stupid idea. I didn't think people would really ever want to buy laptop computers. I thought yahoo and google were companies that could never make money.
    
    
27. I used to drive a forklift for a living, and i was great at it.
    
    
28. I will eat almost anything, no matter how weird.
    
    
29. I've got a waiting list for if I ever figure out how to clone myself. There's some debate about who would get the original and who would take a clone.
    
    
30. I've hated milk since I was a kid. I've never understood how people can drink it
    
    
31. I've never done my own taxes. Not once.
    
    
32. I've wanted a harley since I was a kid, long before dentists and doctors decided they were cool. And now I can't afford one because doctors and dentists think they're cool and will pay 30k for one.
    
    
33. If it were just my choice, I'd pack up and leave for Hawaii today - sell everything, quit my job, go with nothing but my swimsuit and my dive gear. Walk off a plane and start a new life.
    
    
34. Loud noises make me jump. No matter how many times I go to concerts where there are exploding flash pots, no matter how many times I blow off m80s, how many guns I shoot, still, if it's at all unexpected, I will always jump.
    
    
35. My all-time favorite car is the Jaguar E-type. Second would come some sort of seventies muscle car; chevy nova, GTO, the car on Supernatural, something like that.
    
    
36. My favorite bands are always changing but two that have never been off the top five: XTC and Genesis. Though both only up to a point (Genesis, up til Steve Hackett left; XTC up til Terry Chambers left).
    
    
37. My favorite books, as least right now - in no particular order: Mystic Pig, Lord of the Rings, Chump Change, Last Call, On Stranger Tides (which is back in print - yay!), Song for Arbonne (hell, all of Kay - all of it), Curse of Chalion, A Drink Before the War (the whole series, really), Under Cover of Daylight, Ask the Dust, Welcome to the Monkey House, Gate of Ivrel, Chanur. This list could change tomorrow but many of these books will stay and have been on this list for years.
    
    
38. My finger and toe nails grow incredibly fast. So does my hair.
    
    
39. My first tattoo was almost the Rush red star logo, and a close runner up was the Blue Oyster Cult logo. I got talked out of those, and I'm ok with that.
    
    
40. One of my favorite sports is figure skating
    
    
41. The cup I use is a huge factor in how much I enjoy a cup of coffee. I have three or four favorites, but which I go for first varies from day to day.
    
    
42. The only thing I miss about no longer having long hair is hair ties. I miss my ponytail when I see cool hair ties.
    
    
43. When I was a kid my favorite movies were 20000 Leagues under the Sea and the Incredible Mister Limpet. Maybe there's a pattern there.
    
    
44. Whenever I hear the word clone I get the Doctor Evil Rap stuck in my head - From the moment I heard Frau say I had a clone /I knew that I'd be safe cuz I'd never be alone / an evil doctor shouldn't speak a lot about his feelings /my hurt and my pain don't make me too appealing.
    
    

I meant to post this yesterday but it's even stupider to post it friday and still call it thursday.

Stupid Memes. I don't remember where I found these but why not blame Fredlet anyhow?

I'd rather be snape or voldemort but I'll take it.

Harry Potter Personality Quiz by Pirate Monkeys Inc.

(See all possible results)

This in the nature of a Stupid Quiz or a meme. But it's a question I asked someone the other day and I thought it'd be good BlogFodder.

What is you there song?

Visualize yourself walking into a room. What's playing in the movie? Are you Shaft (One Bad Mutha - Shut Yo Mouth!)? Are you Only a Girl? are you Too sexy for your pants?

You get one choice. Not for moods, one for your slinky sexy entrance, one for your dramatic entrance, one for your 'nobody notice me now' mood. I want the one; the one that you think tells your story or the one you want to tell you story.

Here's mine:

Funkadelic, I Got A Thing, You Got A Thing, Everybody's Got A Thing.

Lyrics here, mp3 yonder.

That's the one. That's the one I wanna hear when I walk into the room. That's the one I wanna hear when I'm walkin down the street in my leather kilt and combat boots.

That's me, baby.

So tell me - here or in your own blog - what's your theme song? What rocks you into a room in the movie in your head?

And what's mine? What movie rocks me into the room, in the movie in your head?

No.

More.

Stupid.

Quizzes.

Captain Beefheart... you are one of the first

modern fucked-up geniuses. When it comes to

creating, you rank right up there with the

likes of James Mangan, John Wilmot and Edvard

Munch.


Which fucked-up genius composer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I can pretty much hang with being Captain Beefheart though)

Quit it, Fredlet.

I expected Pirates. But you know, this is cooler.

What movie Do you Belong in?
brought to you by Stupid Fucking Quizilla

I blame DN

This is sort of interesting.

The Johari Window.

Kind of an Ingram personality whatsis, it's interesting because I pick six words from the window that describe me, then you-all get to do the same, again, for me. I guess I am supposed to see how my view and the world's view differ. For some reason. Like any of you know anything about me.

I was tempted to fuck with it but for once I tried o be honest. Only problem is I could only pick six and at least half the words on there fit. Six? Come on.

(Found of Wolfe's site)

Here's the flip side - negative traits.

nohari window

A lot of these apply but I don't think they're negative so I didn't choose them. Interestingly 'arrogant' isn't on either list.

Stop me. Will somebody please STOP ME?

Four fucking Things.

I give up. I can't resist a stupid quiz.

You Are Scary

You even scare scary people sometimes!

This is what happens when I can't blog, yet feel like I need to update.

Um.

48%?

Wow. What's wrong with me, man?

I scored a 48% on the "How Texas are you?" Quizie! What about you?

(Sorry, comments were broken for this entry (pointed out to me by Ray). Fixed now.)

I got this from Whirly but I monkeyed with the questions a little because I fuckin' felt like it. Following Whirly's lead, I won't tag you (though I might goose you.)

Some of these it's hard to think of seven. Some, hard to stop at seven.

The 7 Things meme.

Swiped from Herr Wolfe, who is certainly a gentleman and a scholar. No idea the true origin of this, but it isn't as trite as most of these.

No.

More.

Quizzes.

This is chelsea girl's fault.

Which Action Hero Would You Be?

And of course, take a guess.

Ok, ok. I give in.

I got tagged by DarkNeuro on this, but I was up to the task of resisting it. And then I got tagged by AAG.

I can resist them one at a time. I can't resist a sandwich, though. [homer] Mmmmm. Sandwich [/homer]

Ok, so it goes like so:

1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Search the archives for the 23rd post.
3. Find the 5th sentence, or closest to.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions. Ponder it for meaning, subtext or hidden agendas.
5. Tag 5 people to do the same.

Thus:

My 23rd entry. More or less since they're not numbered exactly that way.

The fifth (more or less) sentence: I actually had an erotic dream about someone from Orkut last night.

Here's the funny part. I can't recall who that dream was about. I have some guesses though. Given the date (Mar26 '04),