You know, I just don’t get the whole Alias thing.

Or maybe it’s the Jennifer Garner thing that escapes me, and that’s what the whole Alias thing is about.

But you know, I look at Garner, and all I can think is, ‘eh‘. Maybe a dose of ‘whatever‘. And you know, no one, anywhere, likes women more than I do. So when I look at woman and think eh, it means I’m really not very interested.

She’s just so average. Oh, she’s talented, sure; she’s got a gift for accents and voices and languages, and she’s certainly physical. but I look at her face and I feel like I’m looking at a Mannequin. She’s made of plastic, utterly empty and soul-less.

So maybe that’s all there is to Alias. Because well, you know, I want to like it; same people as make Lost, so I’m on their side. But Alias seems to be nothing but empty spy-movie cliche with no style whatsoever. The plots are convoluted to the point of incomprehensiblity, and while the whole everyone’s double-crossing everyone else thing is entertaining, the bottom line is that I don’t care. Anyone in the series can die at any time and I just shrug. None of them are well enough characterized to engage me.

And then there’s the fact that they keep wanting to go supernatural. Which just makes me roll my eyes. What works so well on lost, here just plays like writers who are out of ideas and turn to the fantastic out of desperation. They borrow from Neal Stephenson, they borrow from – hell, I can’t even remember where last season’s ender was borrowed from, some secret-society, orb-of-infinite-doom nonsense.

I just don’t fuckin’ get it.

Why, you might ask, am I watching it?

Honestly, I’m not. Sometimes it’s just on, and you just don’t feel like getting off the couch. And I’ll admit, I tried, last season, because people I know like it. Sitting on a couch full of giggly girls, you know, you find a reason not to leave even when the show isn’t good. So I tried.

But – eh. Just eh.

So, first impressions on TAR, family style (Amazing Race 8), before my medication takes effect.

The family concept worked better than expected. I liked it.

Most of the families are likable. I liked seeing some kids in this game, and damn, ain’t Carissa Gaghan adorable?

My favorite team so far are the Aiellos — good guys, funny and likable. They won me when they started to joke about spooning.

Most of the others I’m still forming an opinion on, but my favorite tasty treat is Brittney Rogers, who clearly needs to be licked all over, and I gotta say, I wanna see all three Linz Brothers pull a train on little sister Megan.

And then there are the villians. Every TAR has to have a couple. This time it’s the jesus freak Weaver clan, who are just going to have to be bent over, spanked and corn-holed if they say ‘lord’ or ‘jesus’ one more time; and then there are the Paolos, who would be ok if someone fucking gagged them all. Just make them stop talking. Make. Them. Stop.

As usual, the first episode was hard to track with so many teams. It always hits speed around the third. But so far it looks like they’re keeping the standard up. This is the definitive reality teevee show as far as I’m concerned, it deserves all the awards it wins. And I’m glad I don’t have to see Rob and Amber on this one, they brought TAR7 down. If they do any more celebrity TARs, it needs to be an all-celeb edition to keep it fair.

Mmm. Medication. Me like medication.