Author: Karl Elvis

TC’s website updated

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My favorite crazy-rocker-jewery-maker, Tony Creed, just updated his website. It renders correctly on Safari now (Yay!), and he’s got some new jewelry. I love this guy’s work. I really need another piece by him but I can’t decide which one. I’m terribly fond of this, but there are a bunch of others I’m tempted by. […]

My favorite crazy-rocker-jewery-maker, Tony Creed, just updated his website.

It renders correctly on Safari now (Yay!), and he’s got some new jewelry.

I love this guy’s work. I really need another piece by him but I can’t decide which one. I’m terribly fond of this, but there are a bunch of others I’m tempted by. Though I need to hold off a bit; there are too many other skull rings I want, including one from CrazyPig, and the Clapton skull which I hope to get any day now.

Anyway, if you’re looking for something unique and custom, talk to Tony. He’s my kind of madman.

The Resume, or Lies about Me

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I’m helping a friend with her resume, and I’m once again reminded of what an absurd game resume-writing is. I can’t recall the last time I got really serious about writing a resume. My job now, I was hired because I knew a guy and the resume and interview process were a walk-through. I updated […]

I’m helping a friend with her resume, and I’m once again reminded of what an absurd game resume-writing is.

I can’t recall the last time I got really serious about writing a resume. My job now, I was hired because I knew a guy and the resume and interview process were a walk-through. I updated what I had handy, re-wrote the first bit to line up with the job and handed it in.

The thing is, a resume is an artful (if you’re good or hire well) combination of lies and marketing crap. You take what you’re good at, add in what you sort of know that sounds good, mix in a few quantifiable achievements, avoid your fuck-ups, and then write it in a stupid, awkward, artificial language that no one actually uses in real life.

Results-driven
Self-starting
Committed to

It’s so deeply artificial. And yet, a good resume can land you an interview, a bad one will land on the floor unless you have some particular skill everyone needs.

It’s different when you have a very specific technical skill to offer. I mean, Lumberjack, we all know what your job is, you don’t really have to say much. I cut down trees. I eat my lunch. I go to the lavatory. On Wednesdays I go shoppin’ And have buttered scones for tea. But for most of us with a range of possibly-applicable skills, looking for a job those might fit to, it’s a game.

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So much for hockey season

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There goes hockey season. That link is to a good article by Dan Wetzel about why; corporate greed, over-expansion. Loss of tradition in the NHL. It’s a drag. San Jose is now a hockey town. It wasn’t when I was growing up, but the Sharks are San Jose’s team. No, we don’t have the century […]

There goes hockey season.

That link is to a good article by Dan Wetzel about why; corporate greed, over-expansion. Loss of tradition in the NHL.

It’s a drag. San Jose is now a hockey town. It wasn’t when I was growing up, but the Sharks are San Jose’s team. No, we don’t have the century of hockey tradition they have in Canada, in some back-east cities. And I’ve only just discovered hockey in the last couple years. It’s a sport you have to go see live, TV doesn’t do it justice. Maybe that’s the problem right there.

“It starts with commissioner Gary Bettman, the most hapless, hopeless executive in sports, who in 13 years in charge of the NHL has succeeded in little more than driving the once-proud league right into the grave.

It moves onto a collection of owners who care little about the game, about the fans, about the tradition – franchise killers such as Bill Wirtz in Chicago who care only about bottom line.

They (and their stooge Bettman) pursued reckless expansion for the sake of franchise fees, never taking time to realize it was a recipe for disaster. They (and their stooge Bettman) priced out families in pursuit of corporations. They (and their stooge Bettman) showed an utter lack of understanding for the sport, allowing neutral-zone traps, oversized goalie equipment and bear-hug defenses to suck the excitement out of the rink.”

I was planning to take my eleven-year-old daughter to a game for her birthday this season. We were gonna get seats against the glass. Now — who knows. Who knows if it’ll be back, if it’ll be the same.

Cupid’s Day

Karl Elvis5 Comments

I wish I could find a tape, or a torrent, or a script, or something, for the criminally overlooked show Cupid‘s Valentine’s Day episode. The show itself was brilliant, and hardly anyone watched it. But this episode managed to verbalize something; the difference between the storybook, candy-hearts and hallmark cards valentine’s day and a true […]

I wish I could find a tape, or a torrent, or a script, or something, for the criminally overlooked show Cupid‘s Valentine’s Day episode.

The show itself was brilliant, and hardly anyone watched it.

But this episode managed to verbalize something; the difference between the storybook, candy-hearts and hallmark cards valentine’s day and a true celebration of physical, carnal love. This show captured that thought with humor and intensity.

Because the love expressed in hallmark cards is a load of crap. Another holiday based on purchased sentiment and trite, meaningless exchanges of printed paper.

Love is physical. Love is carnal. Love is sweaty, and red-faced. Love hurts. Love is about bodies and sensuality and pleasure and caring. It’s about passion and desire. It’s about fucking, and making love, and kissing, and biting.

A day that celebrates love without sexuality is meaningless and empty.

Forget St Valentine, some pointless martyr of dubious authenticity. This day, any day that claims to celebrate love, should celebrate Cupid, Eros, Aphrodite, Venus, a hundred others. It should celebrate the real love, the physical love, the outward manifestation of the gut-wrenching intensity within.

Love isn’t lacy and pretty. Love isn’t tidy and easy and neat. Love isn’t contained on a candy heart or a paper envelope.

Love bleeds. Love aches. Love is a knife, not a feather, a bruise, not a red crayon.

Love is what moves us and drives us, sustains us. What brings us together, drives us apart. People kill for love, die for love.

Celebrate this carnal, physical, real love. This day, or any other, choose your own. But chaste kisses and paper do not celebrate the love I’m talking about.

Now, with all that said, let me further note that for two weeks I’ve thought this Valentine’s was a tuesday. I of course then planned to do my shopping for pointless cards and candy hearts on monday, being that spontaneous, last-minute kind of guy. So of course, I’m late as usual.

Ah well. Better late than never. Even for vapid, pointless gestures.

Crash!

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Our server went down last night around 3am EST. We have not yet figured out why. But if you tried to read this space late/early, that’s why. Everything seems fine now but we’re making backups to be safe.

Our server went down last night around 3am EST. We have not yet figured out why. But if you tried to read this space
late/early, that’s why. Everything seems fine now but we’re making backups to be safe.

Other Hits

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I was gonna say, pick any two celebrities to engage in a hot three-way with you. Who are they? But enough of that. How about, my top-ten bloggers I’d like to nail? Ok, make it a top N. I know I’ve got a list of those for damned sure. But then, they’re mostly on my […]

I was gonna say, pick any two celebrities to engage in a hot three-way with you.

Who are they?

But enough of that.

How about, my top-ten bloggers I’d like to nail? Ok, make it a top N. I know I’ve got a list of those for damned sure. But then, they’re mostly on my blogroll.

Fine. Enough with the top lists. I’m one step from fucking quizilla here.

I had more to write here but I just burned the hell out of my hand. Never lift pan straight out of a 400 degree oven with bare hands, I tell ya. Anyway, the biggest blister is right where I rest my hand when I type, so I need a couple talwin before going on.

Nevermind the typos. I’ll fix them later. Talwin doesn’t help my typing.

However, Talwin and Carnivàle? Good combination. Carnivàle is pretty fucking hallucinogenic already.

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Shopping List

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I find this hand-written list:

Need Kinda
Portable Bathroom Wizard and Pirate Haloween
Outfits
Nun Shepard
Jousting Equipment Sheep
w/Lambs
Female Pirate Rock Landscape, Small
Fairys Waterfall Lit Fireplace w/ accessories
Chopper Motorcycle Guinea pigs
Black and White Ghost Costumes Goose girl
Girl with rabbit
Dragon and Tiger Costumes
Cave w/ vulture

And I’m thinking, I wanna go to this party. Sounds like some kinds kinky soiree.

And then I realize it’s a shopping list of Playmobil toys that my kids wrote up.

Hmm. Not quite what I was picturing…

(Edit: Note that I’ve added more items — I missed the WHOLE OTHER SIDE of the list!)

 

 

 

Garage fulla kilts

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So I walked out today to find 300+ lbs of Utilikilts on my lawn. And I now have this song stuck in my head: “ Every day, I get up and pray to Jah And he decreases the number of clocks by exactly one Everybody’s comin’ home for lunch these days Last night there were […]

So I walked out today to find 300+ lbs of Utilikilts on my lawn.

And I now have this song stuck in my head:

“ Every day, I get up and pray to Jah
And he decreases the number of clocks by exactly one
Everybody’s comin’ home for lunch these days
Last night there were skinheads on my lawn”

In any case, I have the kilt stock for the Utilikilts both at PantheaCon in my garage. If anyone who actually knows me in real life wants to talk about trying on a kilt, come on over this weekend, I’ve got some limited stock of kilts. I’m not exactly sure WHAT I have, the inventory codes are escaping me so far, but I’ll figure that out.

Hell, maybe I should set my garage up as a local south bay Utilikilts boutique. Spread the word. Spread the love. It’d get me to clean up my garage, anyway!

Hit It List

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Ok, here’s my list of Celebrities I’d Fuck In no particular order (because, you know, how can you choose?), and off the top of my head (ten more will jump on this list in my head as soon as I click ‘publish’): Salma Hayek, Lindsay Lohan, Monica Bellucci, Cynthia Ettinger (Rita Sue on Carnivale), Alison […]

Ok, here’s my list of Celebrities I’d Fuck

In no particular order (because, you know, how can you choose?), and off the top of my head (ten more will jump on this list in my head as soon as I click ‘publish’):

Salma Hayek, Lindsay Lohan, Monica Bellucci, Cynthia Ettinger (Rita Sue on Carnivale), Alison Hannigan (This one time, in band camp. Need I say any more?), Chloe Sevigny, Christina Aguilera (I pretend to be sorry for this one), Heather Locklear (I’ve actually met her and you know, she’s still fucking yummy), Queen Latifah, Emily Browning, Keira Knightley.

Even though I can’t quite order them all, Hayek, Lohan and Browning are pretty much in a dead heat for first. Actually, why not all at once? Hmmm…

Your Turn, Kids!

(Yeah I know that’s eleven. I just remembered Keira. I love her…)

Celebrity (Can’t Print This Word) List

Karl Elvis9 Comments

Tim Goodman of SFGate talks about his “Top 10 Celebrity (Can’t Print This Word) List“. By which he means, of course, Top 10 Celebrity FUCK List. Tim, if you can’t say it… A lot of the article above is about Jennifer Garner, who I have to say does very little for me aside from a […]

Tim Goodman of SFGate talks about his “Top 10 Celebrity (Can’t Print This Word) List“. By which he means, of course, Top 10 Celebrity FUCK List. Tim, if you can’t say it…

A lot of the article above is about Jennifer Garner, who I have to say does very little for me aside from a casual I’d hit it. She’s ok. Cute, but not particularly memorable for me. But I figured, if Goodman’s coming out with his top ten, there’s a good blog game.

Here’s Tim Goodman’s list:

1. Audrey Tautou. 2. Halle Berry. 3. Salma Hayek. 4. Any actress or anchor on Telemundo. 5. Joan Chen 6. Scarlett Johansson. 7. Jennifer Garner. 8. Evangeline Lilly. 9. Alicia Keys. 10. Sophie Okonedo.

Now I’m gonna have to think about this a bit. Hayek is on my list, darn tootin’, but I’m not sure any of those other names are (To be honest, I don’t even know who two of those names are).

I’m limiting this to people you’d do now. No going back to the 60’s to do Ursula Andress; as much as that thought makes me (literally) start to salivate, I’m sticking with people you’d hit today given carte blanche.

And to make it interesting, you don’t have to limit this to people of legal age. Let’s see who’s not afraid.

Ok? Go. Points if you have more than one gender on your list.

My list to be posted shortly.