You know, I just don’t get the whole Alias thing.

Or maybe it’s the Jennifer Garner thing that escapes me, and that’s what the whole Alias thing is about.

But you know, I look at Garner, and all I can think is, ‘eh‘. Maybe a dose of ‘whatever‘. And you know, no one, anywhere, likes women more than I do. So when I look at woman and think eh, it means I’m really not very interested.

She’s just so average. Oh, she’s talented, sure; she’s got a gift for accents and voices and languages, and she’s certainly physical. but I look at her face and I feel like I’m looking at a Mannequin. She’s made of plastic, utterly empty and soul-less.

So maybe that’s all there is to Alias. Because well, you know, I want to like it; same people as make Lost, so I’m on their side. But Alias seems to be nothing but empty spy-movie cliche with no style whatsoever. The plots are convoluted to the point of incomprehensiblity, and while the whole everyone’s double-crossing everyone else thing is entertaining, the bottom line is that I don’t care. Anyone in the series can die at any time and I just shrug. None of them are well enough characterized to engage me.

And then there’s the fact that they keep wanting to go supernatural. Which just makes me roll my eyes. What works so well on lost, here just plays like writers who are out of ideas and turn to the fantastic out of desperation. They borrow from Neal Stephenson, they borrow from – hell, I can’t even remember where last season’s ender was borrowed from, some secret-society, orb-of-infinite-doom nonsense.

I just don’t fuckin’ get it.

Why, you might ask, am I watching it?

Honestly, I’m not. Sometimes it’s just on, and you just don’t feel like getting off the couch. And I’ll admit, I tried, last season, because people I know like it. Sitting on a couch full of giggly girls, you know, you find a reason not to leave even when the show isn’t good. So I tried.

But – eh. Just eh.

So, first impressions on TAR, family style (Amazing Race 8), before my medication takes effect.

The family concept worked better than expected. I liked it.

Most of the families are likable. I liked seeing some kids in this game, and damn, ain’t Carissa Gaghan adorable?

My favorite team so far are the Aiellos — good guys, funny and likable. They won me when they started to joke about spooning.

Most of the others I’m still forming an opinion on, but my favorite tasty treat is Brittney Rogers, who clearly needs to be licked all over, and I gotta say, I wanna see all three Linz Brothers pull a train on little sister Megan.

And then there are the villians. Every TAR has to have a couple. This time it’s the jesus freak Weaver clan, who are just going to have to be bent over, spanked and corn-holed if they say ‘lord’ or ‘jesus’ one more time; and then there are the Paolos, who would be ok if someone fucking gagged them all. Just make them stop talking. Make. Them. Stop.

As usual, the first episode was hard to track with so many teams. It always hits speed around the third. But so far it looks like they’re keeping the standard up. This is the definitive reality teevee show as far as I’m concerned, it deserves all the awards it wins. And I’m glad I don’t have to see Rob and Amber on this one, they brought TAR7 down. If they do any more celebrity TARs, it needs to be an all-celeb edition to keep it fair.

Mmm. Medication. Me like medication.

I gotta say, I watched the whole season, and each and every time INXS sent the person home who should have gone home. Not once did they falter in any way.

I was saying that to myself when I watched the finale – they’ve been right every time.

(I’m gonna put the rest of this after the cut in case anyone hasn’t watched the show yet…)

Read more “Right man for the job”

Honestly. Why do I care?

It’s one half hour until the west coast showing of the rock star inxs finale, and I’m climbin’ the fucking walls.

Ok, I know I could go look up the result on the net. But I don’t wanna spoil it, right? I just want it to fucking start already!

I don’t think a reality teevee show has ever gotten me this wound (again, aside from when Lex got down to the final three, but you know, he’s a personal friend). But it feels like that sitting here wishing for JD to win when I know the choice is already made.

I’m thinking, tequila or ice cream? tequila or ice cream? I mean, I gotta do something.

What exactly is the latin for I came, I saw, I watched some great teevee?

So we’ve talked a little bit about reality teevee (c’mon, people, pick JD already), and we’ll get back to that shortly with new incarnations of Survivor and Amazing Race going down.

But let’s talk about something a little bit artier, shall we?

Well, not arty in a bad way. There’s all sorts of tasty nudity, see.

Let’s us talk a bit about the glory that is Rome.

Now, you expect great things when you say hbo and series together. Look at the track record; the Sopranos, Six Feet Under, Deadwood, the Wire, Sex and the City, Carnivale, Curb Your Enthusiasm. I mean, you see a thread there, right?

So it’s not like it’s news that Rome is really really good.

But it took a little warming up to. Like Deadwood, it’s dense, complicated, filled with characters, and at times deeply difficult to track. I feel like I should be taking notes when I watch this show, and the first episode, only the fact that I’ve studied ancient Rome a bit kept me from getting lost. I think wasn’t ’til the third episode that I really decided that a) it was really good, and b) that I really liked it.

There’s so much to like. I mean, let’s start with the obvious, there’s nudity (obligatory homer moment – Mmmmm. Nuuuuuudity…) I mean, lots of it. Yummy, tasty nudity. Beautiful girls riding on men kind of nudity (just about my favorite thing, the girl on top). Beautiful slave girl nudity. Nursing mother’s nipples nudity. Roman brothel brutal-hair-pulling-fucking-from-behind nudity.

Did I mention nudity? We just need some more slave girls, is all, to make it complete.

Then let’s talk about the technical stuff. The set is simply enormous, and looks incredibly authentic to my eye. The costuming, set decoration, the art design, it’s all spectacular and complex and rich and gives the feeling of real, living roman cities.

The cast – mostly british performers who look vaguely familiar but whom I can’t place, to a one they’re superior actors, with many standouts.

And then there’s the writing. I don’t care how good your sets are, your cast are, your ideas, plots, special effects. Your show begins and ends with the writers and the writers make or break it. This show is incredibly well written. Oh, I can’t say it’s deadwood; deadwood makes frontier poets of rough, villainous cowboys, while not compromising their being cowboys. But Rome feels like something distilled down from shakespeare and robert graves, as imagined by modern writers with a modern way of telling a story. So there’s a classic complexity to the dialog, without it being rendered impossibly dense.

Everything from bawdy conversations between soldiers to roman senatorial debate has a natural, real sound, while not falling into the trap of having romans talk and act line someone on the west wing.

I must say though, my favorite character is Titus Pullo, a roman soldier who winds up somehow in the midst of all the political upheaval. The HBO character page describes him thus:

A ferocious lover of life, possessing the courage and loyalty of a warrior, but the morality of a pirate. A man of huge appetites and wild passions. Impulsive, unreflective, optimistic, conceited, generous, and brutal.

I of course, identify with him heavily, when he says things like “Women scream my name by night from here to…” I like to think he’s the me I would have been had I lived in 52 bc. Particularly the morality of a pirate bit.

If you’re not watching this yet, they should be doing one of the catch-up weekends, check the schedule on hbo.com. It’s really worth slogging through the first couple shows, even if they seem difficult.

And you know, there’s the nudity.