Category: humor

Frog in my Hair – I’ll have what he’s having

elvis8 Comments

I’ll have some of what Joaquin Phoenix is having, please: …Out of the blue, Phoenix suddenly changed the subject, asking, “Do I have a large frog in my hair?” 
Reporter: No, no. Phoenix: “Something’s crawling out of my scalp.” Reporter: No, you look great. Phoenix: “No, but I feel it. I’m not worried about the […]

I’ll have some of what Joaquin Phoenix is having, please:

…Out of the blue, Phoenix suddenly changed the subject, asking, “Do I have a large frog in my hair?”

Reporter: No, no.

Phoenix: “Something’s crawling out of my scalp.”

Reporter: No, you look great.

Phoenix: “No, but I feel it. I’m not worried about the looks. I’m worried about the sensation of my brain being eaten. … What did you ask me?”

I’ve been walking around since I read this, thinking I’m worried about the sensation of my brain being eaten. I think I wanna party with ‘ol Joaquin.

Ground Beef Panties

elvis5 Comments

Ok, this is too fucking funny. WASHINGTON (Reuters) – Quaker Maid Meats Inc. on Tuesday said it would voluntarily recall 94,400 pounds of frozen ground beef panties that may be contaminated with E. coli. The beef products were produced by Reading, Pennsylvania-based Quaker on July 19 and shipped to retail stores in Connecticut, Florida, Georgia, […]

Ok, this is too fucking funny.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – Quaker Maid Meats Inc. on Tuesday said it would voluntarily recall 94,400 pounds of frozen ground beef panties that may be contaminated with E. coli.

The beef products were produced by Reading, Pennsylvania-based Quaker on July 19 and shipped to retail stores in Connecticut, Florida, Georgia, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Virginia and Wisconsin.

(link)

That’s gonna be a lot less funny when they fix the typo and it says ‘patties‘.

(Props to BoingBoing)

‘H’ is for handcuffs.

elvis5 Comments

I have to post this, only because that first line should win an award: LOS ANGELES – The red and cuddly Sesame Street Muppet Elmo has learned a new lesson: ‘H’ is for handcuffs. Yeah, that’s my kinda muppet.

I have to post this, only because that first line should win an award:

LOS ANGELES – The red and cuddly Sesame Street Muppet Elmo has learned a new lesson: ‘H’ is for handcuffs.

Yeah, that’s my kinda muppet.

Snakes on a Plane

elvis9 Comments

I just don’t quite understand it. But evidently someone found this idea so scary, they made a movie of it. I can just hear the pitch – “There are these snakes, and they’re on a plane, and that’s really really scary…” “Why is it scary?” “Well, they’re snakes, right? And they’re on this plane…” “And […]

I just don’t quite understand it.

But evidently someone found this idea so scary, they made a movie of it.

I can just hear the pitch –

“There are these snakes, and they’re on a plane, and that’s really really scary…”

“Why is it scary?”

“Well, they’re snakes, right? And they’re on this plane…”

“And this is scary because?”

“They’re – angry.”

“Why?”

“Because… They’re… Um. On a plane?”

“Snakes don’t like planes?”

“Theses don’t”

“Ok…”

“It’s got Samuel L Jackson in it!”

“Green Light.”

I give you Snakes on a Plane. That’s right, Snakes on a Plane.

(props to SmartyPants for hippin’ me to all this)

How much I really hate you all

elvis9 Comments

This is just how much I hate you all. I’m going to stick this stupid song in your heads. Magical Trevor Magical Trevor 2 Magical Trevor 3 Because Badger Badger isn’t evil enough, not even when you get the xmas badgers or the lotr badgers. I blame it on my dear, sweet Booty Girl. Boots, […]

This is just how much I hate you all. I’m going to stick this stupid song in your heads.

Magical Trevor
Magical Trevor 2
Magical Trevor 3

Because Badger Badger isn’t evil enough, not even when you get the xmas badgers or the lotr badgers.

I blame it on my dear, sweet Booty Girl. Boots, I’m gonna have to teach you a lesson now – watch out!

Talk like a Pirate Day

elvis10 Comments

Arrr, it be Talk Like a Pirate Day, t’day, the nineteenth’ a’ september. Avast there ye bilge rats! Be spreadin’ the word, sez I. (I’m sorry) (No, actually, I’m not.)

Arrr, it be Talk Like a Pirate Day, t’day, the nineteenth’ a’ september.

Avast there ye bilge rats! Be spreadin’ the word, sez I.

(I’m sorry)

(No, actually, I’m not.)

She-Male Threatens Florida

elvis1 Comment

Ok so I keep seeing this headline on CNN.com: TS Rita gains muscle to threaten Florida …And sure, I know they mean Tropical Storm. But hell, we all fucking know TS stands for TranSexual. So this rita, she’s some big, muscular tranny, threatening Florida. Um. You know, that’s kinda hot.

Ok so I keep seeing this headline on CNN.com:

TS Rita gains muscle to threaten Florida

…And sure, I know they mean Tropical Storm. But hell, we all fucking know TS stands for TranSexual.

So this rita, she’s some big, muscular tranny, threatening Florida.

Um. You know, that’s kinda hot.

Hot Chat with the Mouse

elvis2 Comments

Phone Sex via the Big D:he Walt Disney Internet Group and Sprint have announced an agreement through which Disney will create a national U.S. wireless phone service specifically designed for families…. Disney Mobile plans to offer wireless voice service, exclusive handsets and a package of features and applications including a range of entertainment content for the family.[ from BoingBoing, of course]I’m suddenly picturing phone sex with Minnie.
,

Phone Sex from the Big D:

The Walt Disney Internet Group and Sprint have announced an agreement through which Disney will create a national U.S. wireless phone service specifically designed for families. The service, called Disney Mobile, will use the Sprint Nationwide PCS Network and is slated to launch next year. Disney Mobile plans to offer wireless voice service, exclusive handsets and a package of features and applications including a range of entertainment content for the family.

[ from BoingBoing, of course ]

I’m suddenly picturing phone sex with Minnie. Hot talk with Ariel. Or maybe man-man(dog?) action with Goofy. Just wait, I’ll do my Goofy impression on this one, it’ll slay you.

C’mon, Mouse. There’s money to be made.

[made with ecto]