forty days in the hole

Is it forty days and forty nights yet?

Pretty damned close. We’ve just set records for all-time wettest march here in sunny northern california and I’m wondering, here on this april fool’s day, if we’re getting the same sort of april. Because looking out the window I’m not seeing my sunny april weather. I’m not even thinking about taking the top off my jeep, which I usually start doing around this date.

It’s been grim and wet and depressing. people are looking pale and stressed and cold. We’re a delicate bunch, us californians, we need our sun and don’t manage well when the temp stays under sixty degrees for long.

I need sun. I need heat. I need to see a sky that’s another color than gray. I’m ready. C’mon, mutha-natcha, lay a little of ‘yer sunshine on me. Help a brutha out.

I’m feeling way more human than I have in a week and a half. I think I didn’t realize how sick I really was, I kept thinking I was just worn out. But I was worn out after not really doing anything. I wasn’t getting anything done at work, really, I wasn’t even feeling like writing, I was passing out on the couch soon as I turned the teevee on. I couldn’t drink because that hit me like a brick and knocked me down, one drink and gone.

Just Tired, I kept thinking, but it wasn’t that. It was my body tryin’ to say, shut the fuck down, stop fighting, rest. But you know me, I’m dumb as a fuckin’ rock, I Never. Fucking. Listen.

I’m not 100% yet. I know that. I’m five days in to a week-long course of anti-biotics and my doc said he expects to switch me to some other med on monday when I go back, to make sure we nail the secondary infections. But this is the first saturday in three weeks when I’ve felt like getting up and going out rather than just wanting to spend the entire day layin’ around like jabba the fuckin’ hut.

Not to put Jabba down, of course, I mean, if I had a floating yacht and a young carrie fisher in a chain-mail bikini, that’s be ok. But still, it’s nice to be thinking about what I feel like doing today rather than just wanting to crawl in a dark hole and brood.

Now, if the sun would just come out, we’d have something here. I guess I should go get my motorcycle outta mothballs, I haven’t been on it in two months, and it’s lookin’ lonely. I could use some open road, wide-open-throttle time.