One Percenter Name

I usually don’t play the “my stripper name” or “my porn star name” thing. This one, I couldn’t resist. According to the Outlaw Biker Name Generator, my one percenter name is: Ol’ Ratso of the Donkey Punchers MC (Thanks, Syl)

I usually don’t play the “my stripper name” or “my porn star name” thing.

This one, I couldn’t resist.

According to the Outlaw Biker Name Generator, my one percenter name is:

Ol’ Ratso of the Donkey Punchers MC

(Thanks, Syl)

when chocolate pigs fly

There are certain perfect foods in the world. We could come up with a few each; say, an apple, or a sea urchin, or an egg. The foods that are complete, satisfying, a compliment to other foods. For you it might be a cheese, or a pork chop; it might be toast or a wedge […]

There are certain perfect foods in the world.

We could come up with a few each; say, an apple, or a sea urchin, or an egg. The foods that are complete, satisfying, a compliment to other foods. For you it might be a cheese, or a pork chop; it might be toast or a wedge of just-sharp-enoug cheddar. It might be a piece of dark chocolate, rich and glossy with cocoa butter.

One such food, most of us could agree, would be bacon. Oh, to be sure, there are vegans and vegetarians out there who might object or disagree. They surely speak from envy, though, and earn our pity. Poor, poor folk, denied the pleasures one of life’s most noble beasts, the pig.

Now, one of the characteristics of perfect foods is that, while we might incorporate them into other things, they seem complete and perfect as they are. How does one improve upon, say, chocolate? How can chocolate be better than in it’s most pure and simple state?

Well, interestingly enough, one can add bacon:


flyingpig.jpg

No, I am not kidding.

Someone bought me this the other day as a lark; last night, after my very last bottle of ’03 sinister hand, I had one of my rare must-have-sweet-treat moments, and thought, well, there’s that absurd chocolate pig, why not? (sinister hand makes me do silly things).

So I broke into the pig.

On first bite, it was simply rich, smooth, dark chocolate. After a moment, though, the palate encounters vague smoke, salt, and textures both vaguely chewy and slightly crunchy.

If you’d asked me, what’s in that, I’d have been hard put to say; something smokey? Something herbal? Whatever was in it, I’d have said, give me more, and now.

As one chews successive bites, the elements become more clear. There is, without question, bacon and salt as recognizable elements of the flavor; yet they in no way interfere. After two of three bites, I wondered why there isn’t always bacon in chocolate.

Now, I don’t claim to be the world’s greatest expert on chocolate; but I can’t think of a piece of chocolate that ever pleased me more.

I must have more. And quickly.

Itchy. Tasty.

I started to post something about the annoying state of my tattoo; I’ve reached that phase where I’m peeling and leaving behind black flakes of tattoo dandruff, where it’s itching madly and of course, it’s not yet sufficiently healed to scratch. But when I started typing, the phrase ‘Itchy. Tasty.’ came to mind. Anyone who’s […]

I started to post something about the annoying state of my tattoo; I’ve reached that phase where I’m peeling and leaving behind black flakes of tattoo dandruff, where it’s itching madly and of course, it’s not yet sufficiently healed to scratch.

But when I started typing, the phrase ‘Itchy. Tasty.’ came to mind.

Anyone who’s played Resident EVil should remember this.

This is the part of getting tattooed that always makes me think never again. Pain, I got no problem with. Itchy? That’ll drive me bugfuck.

in the tiki-tiki-tiki-tiki-tiki room

Here’s what I got yesterday. The shark, above the elbow, is older; so is the lighter gray work, below (the new ink will fade to that same color after healing.) More pictures after the cut. (click pictures for bigger view)

Here’s what I got yesterday.

The shark, above the elbow, is older; so is the lighter gray work, below (the new ink will fade to that same color after healing.)

More pictures after the cut.

IMG_4012_30.jpg

(click pictures for bigger view)

Read more “in the tiki-tiki-tiki-tiki-tiki room”

Straight Life

Arthur Edward Pepper: Narcisist, Musician, Convict. Composer, Dope Fiend, Artist, Criminal. Author; Womanizer. One of the greatest alto saxophonists the jazz world ever produced; and one of it’s most tragic flame-outs. What can I say about him; he tells the story himself with unflinching honesty and and an almost noir narrative voice. I’ve just finished […]

Arthur Edward Pepper: Narcisist, Musician, Convict. Composer, Dope Fiend, Artist, Criminal. Author; Womanizer. One of the greatest alto saxophonists the jazz world ever produced; and one of it’s most tragic flame-outs.

What can I say about him; he tells the story himself with unflinching honesty and and an almost noir narrative voice.

I’ve just finished reading Art’s Autobiography, Straight LIfe – The Story of Art Pepper; and I find myself nearly speechless.

Art’s own words describe the circumstances under which this photo, the cover for his autobiography, was taken:

STLFcover.jpgin 1956, Diane and I lived on one of the steepest hills in Los Angeles, on Fargo STreet. I woke up one morning to a phone call from Bill Claxton, the photographer, saying he had to take my picture today for the cover of The Return of Art Pepper. I had run out of heroin and was very sick, and was unable to score befor Bill got there. We climbed to the corner, and he snapped this picture of me in agony.”

For those who haven’t heard of Art, or some version of his story, here’s a short version, mostly culled from Art’s book. Born in 1925 in southern california to a merchant seaman father and a fifteen-year-old mother. He was a weak, sickly child, raised by a a powerful, tough grandmother after his parents divorce. He grew up neurotic and fearful, seeking outlets in music, sex, and later, alcohol and a incredible capacity for drugs.

By the 1940s, only eighteen, he was touring with one of the country’s top jazz outfits, the Stan Kenton Orchestra; by the early fifties, he was becoming one of West Coast Jazz brightest lights; an alto player, often compared to Charlie ‘bird’ Parker and Lester Young early in his career.

As his career began to peak, however, he discovered heroin; one night in Chicago in 1950, a singer in Art Kenton’s group offered Art both her body, and a snort of heroin, a substance art would love with more passion and commitment than any other person or thing before or after.

It’s hard to understand, from today’s point of view, what heroin was, then and there. Today we know it as a tragic destroyer of lives and careers, as well as a substance with a dark, romantic allure. We see both the broken down and lost, and the wasted glamor of rock music. Then, though, it wasn’t even seen as that big a step from pot; in 1910 it was beleived to be a non-addictive alternative to morphine; until 1924, it was still routinely used medically. When era greats like Charlie Parker began to use it, it was generally seen as cool, and even to enhance one’s playing (after all, some of Parker’s greatest records were made when he was too strung out to stand up.) Heroin use in the jazz community was ignored by the press; it was just part of the scene, the way cocaine was seen in the late seventies. If you weren’t using, you weren’t really in.

Today, we hear some musician is a junkie, we just sort of think of him or her as a nit-wit. In those days, you looked in a cat’s eyes and saw his pupils like pin-holes and you’d think, he’s cool. So in those days, starting up wasn’t big; a lot of the major figures of the day used at one point or another; many (MIles Davis, Coletrane) kicking, while some (Pepper, Chet Baker) never were truly free of it, and saw brilliant careers ended, shortened, or derailed because of it.

In 1952, Art did his first stint behind bars; somewhere he’d find himself over and over for the next twenty years. He was in and out of jail for much of the fifties, meanwhile producing incredible jazz albums like the incomparable Art Pepper Meets the Rhythm Section and Art Pepper +11.

In 1961, Art ran out of road and wound up in one of the worst prisons in the country, San Quentin; in 1966 he was released, hardened and embittered, and more addicted than ever. In the late sixties, Art discovered acid, and added it as well as speed and incredible amounts of alcohol to the heroin he was already shooting many times daily. He all but gave up jazz, playing rock or whatever he could get paid for when he had his horn, though as often as not he would hock it to buy drugs.

In 1968, attempting one of many come-backs, he joined Buddy Rich’s Big Band; after half a tour, though, years of punishment and neglect began to catch up with him. He was hospitalized for a ruptured spleen, and was found to have severe cirrhosis; he was advised to quit drinking and drug use or face certain death. But quitting wasn’t going to happen. The last day of Art’s life, in 1982, he was both injecting and snorting coke.

In ’69, in a state of physical and mental collapse and quite literally near death, Art was more-or-less coerced into joining Synanon, a late-sixties organization that began as a sort of AA-for-dopers, and then went on to become a bizarre commune/cult, and finally collapsed under it’s own weight under attack from the IRS and the federal government.

While in Synanon, Art quit smack (at least temporarily), met Laurie Miller, the woman who’d be his last wife and collaborator, and found some sort of peace in the unlikely form of Synanon’s “game” (a type of encounter group/attack therapy hybrid).

After Synanon, Art both discovered cocaine, and got onto a methadone program; never clean, he was at least able to function, with Laurie’s help, and entered the most musically productive period of his life. Between 1971 and 1982, Art recorded some thirty albums, toured internationally, and, unexpectedly, found artistic recognition and some degree of satisfaction, finally, with his own playing. He also began, with Laurie’s help, to record stories of his life; a chronicle of drugs, music, crime and punishment. He told these stories in the voice of an author, brutally honest, unflinchingly confessional. He talked about his childhood, life, his crimes, his music, his fears and hates. He talked about his obsessive sexuality in pornographic terms. He talked about love.

Early in Straight Life, after describing his first experience with heroin, Art says:

“I realized that from that moment on I’d be, if you want to use the word, a junkie. That’s the word they used. That’s the word they still use. That’s what I became at that moment. That’s what I practiced; Thats’ what I still am. And that’s what I will die as — a junkie.”

In 1982, after shooting coke all night, Art suffered a cerebral hemorrhage; his wife took him to the hospital, where he proceeded to snort coke on his gurney in the emergency room. I want to be high when I die, he said. Art asked Laurie not to let the doctors cut him open. Doctors doubted his nearly-destroyed liver could survive surgery anyway. He was pumped full of morphine to help the pain in his head and methadone to control his withdrawal symptoms. His last words, when they gave him his drugs, were “it’s about time”.

In the years before Art’s death, Laurie had taken the hours and hours of tapes he’d had recorded, and edited them into a cohesive, linear story; told in Art’s own words, it reads like some tragic, brilliant novel. I cannot tell where Art ends and Laurie begins; the finished work is a life, and a story. In another place and time, Art might have been a writer instead of a sax player, pouring his soul out into a battered typewriter instead of into a brass horn. The book was released not long before Art died.

I’ve long been a fan of Art’s music; his lyrical, expressive playing is unique and highly personal. Without knowing anything of who he was, I loved his work from the very first time I played meets the rhythm section. But after reading his book, I feel like I know the man, in an almost disturbingly personal sense.

While a generation and more separate Art and my eras, I know people just like him. Addicts, brilliant, tortured players, creative genius lost, destroyed or wasted under madness or self-destruction. I’ve lived with them, partied with them, loved them. I’ve bought and carried drugs for people like Art, knowing full well I handed them the bullets for a slow, inevitable suicide. I’ve seen lives lost and ruined, and I’ve narrowly missed that life myself.

This book is that story; the story from the inside of a brilliant, chaotic life, from inside the mind of the tortured genius. Like Art’s music, it’s a staggering work. I feel like I’ve been sitting with the man, hearing his stories with sharing a joint or a jug, or passing a mirror. I feel like I’ve met him.

Art was a difficult, complicated, incredibly sensitive man. He was the kind of person you love but may not like; the kind of person you’d help even when you know it’ll kill him. I can hear him telling the stories in Straight Life in his own voice. I’m still, twenty four ours after finishing it, feeling like I just watched someone I know buried.

My intent when I started writing this was to illustrate it with music from Art’s various periods of eak creativity; I find though that I can’t yet. That project will take more time. Later, it’ll be here, or in another entry that compliments this. For, this will have to be enough.

inelegant S curve

I’ve had trouble doing any writing all week – or, in fact, any work at all, at least any involving a computer. This is a bit problematic given that at least 75% of my work day involved eyes to screen and fingers to keys. The trouble would be more interesting it it was some existential […]

I’ve had trouble doing any writing all week – or, in fact, any work at all, at least any involving a computer. This is a bit problematic given that at least 75% of my work day involved eyes to screen and fingers to keys.

The trouble would be more interesting it it was some existential crisis, some most of clarity about real life vs the virtual reality behind an LCD screen. Unfortunately the issue is purely mechanical. Something I did last weekend jacked my neck; maybe it was moving a seven-foot by fourty-inch bookcase (ah, I love new book cases) in from my truck. Maybe it was something else. Maybe it was just several weeks of bad posture at work or the configuration of my twin monitors.

Whatever it was, I’ve spent the week feeling my neck cramp into an inelegant S curve; a shape the human neck is most certainly not made for.

This makes productivity at the computer hell; I can’t be effective when I’m uncomfortable (pain? Sure. Discomfort? I don’t have the patience for it). Fortunately, with repeated applications of ice, adjustment, and therapeutic chemicals, I’m finally starting to be able to turn my head again, and my shoulders are finally below my ears for the first time in a week. Ok, I admit it, only some of the chemicals were therapeutic; some were just entertaining.

I’d intended to write about the jazz I’ve been listening to, and the book I just finished (Art Pepper‘s incredible autobiography, Straight Life; that will have to wait though, until I have a chance to post some musical samples, and ’til I can fully process the book. I finished it last night, and was left quite speechless.

Meanwhile, tomorrow, I get tattooed, something I’ve been looking forward to for a month. Later, we can talk about art, and Art, and maybe the, we can get back to the sex.

internet jones

What makes me know exactly how important the internet has become in my life is how nervous it makes me to not have it. This morning, while waking up over a cup of peet’s, I was was ripping CDs, looking up details about a particular jazz sax player I’ve been into lately, paying a couple […]

What makes me know exactly how important the internet has become in my life is how nervous it makes me to not have it.

This morning, while waking up over a cup of peet’s, I was was ripping CDs, looking up details about a particular jazz sax player I’ve been into lately, paying a couple of bills, and checking weather for the day to see if it was going to be warm enough to ride to work.

In the middle of all this, comcast suffered an epic fail, and completely crashed my entire city (as they later told me on the phone, though without using those exact words).

The thing is, that entire list above was just what I was doing as I sipped my coffee; all at the same time. For people like me with short attention spans, multi-tasking is a natural sate. Real life doesn’t support multi-tasking very well; I can’t scramble an egg while I read a book, or change my oil while I drive to the store. But I can check a bank balance at the same time I pay a bill, or read about a sax player at the same time that I read his discography and look up details about the kind of horn he liked to play.

So when I lost my connection, and it began to be obvious it wasn’t just a temporary fall-out, I began to get very, very twitchy.

Particularly when I’m still sleepy, I need something to do with my hands. In the old days I used to read newspapers; typically while standing in the kitchen. I don’t want to sit down when I first wake up; I need to move, get blood flowing. I need to get my brain awake with some sort of simple, tactile activity. Information, with only minimal interaction. Don’t talk to me in the morning, I tell people; you’ll get at best grunts and growls, and maybe worse if you start asking question.

When I began to switch from newspapers to the internet for my morning information dose, it was a dove-tail fit; all the info I wanted, something to do with my hands, and the ability to interact only as my brain woke up. The ability to do five things at a time, with no idle waiting.

This morning I find myself increasingly agitated. I hate waiting

When does something go from being a toy, a novelty, to being a ubiquitous part of life? When does it go from being a convenience or a source of entertainment to being something upon which we depend for most basic needs?

My kids have no memory of a time before the internet; indeed, when I do the math, many of today’s college students don’t remember a time when they could not email or web browse. While my co-workers all remember a time when ‘internet connection’ meant a dumb terminal and a 2400 baud modem, if you happened to have such a thing at home, and when email was something you used at work. But remembering the time when only über-geeks knew what internet meant does not help me today; I am as dependent on connectivity as any twelve-year-old WoW player.

(I lose sooo many geek points, as Jeff Hoooooover points out; it’s WoW, not W-O-W. I doth hang my head in shame. Ok, fixed, but still…)

ink at the end of the tunnel

I’m beginning to feel like this last year’s incredible load of work, death, illness and mayhem may be closing out, finally. I looked at a web site I built for the project I’ve been working in to see when we created it; I was thinking, five, six months ago. In fact it was just about […]

I’m beginning to feel like this last year’s incredible load of work, death, illness and mayhem may be closing out, finally.

I looked at a web site I built for the project I’ve been working in to see when we created it; I was thinking, five, six months ago. In fact it was just about one year almost exactly, which in my mind signifies the start of this whole thing; the day I started working on what was presented as a simple, short-duration project.

Best-laid-plans and all that crap.

I feel I should knock wood saying it, but it looks like the worst might be over. Though when I say knock wood, I mean it that way, since my superstition begins and ends with how many swallows of water cures hiccups.

Meanwhile, I look out at blue sky and try to re-learn the skill of concentration on one task at a time; something I find I’m doing poorly at still, as it’s taken me two hours of interruptions to finish typing this sentence.

It’s been, though, a brutally long year. My struggle now, both at work and in real life, is to try to back up and figure out all the things I’ve put off for months, and take care of them now, in the short window were there might be time. I’m ahead on some fronts; my motorcycle is running again, I finished my taxes on time (last year’s were completed just before the october deadline), and my bills are in some state you might call paid. I’ve gotten a significant amount of yard and house maintenance done since the weather turned nice.

On the other hand, I have a month’s worth of laundry to put away and will be lucky if I can get my garage ‘spring cleaning’ done before fall.

The thing is, these mundane tasks actually feel good; it’s been so long since I’ve felt like anything was actually finished in my life that just planting a new lemon tree in my yard or clearing my desk off feels like a victory.

Part of me wants to take this time to just do nothing; but I can’t yet. I can’t really rest yet. It’s like those first few days of a hawaiian vacation, when my nervous system can’t get off silicon valley time, and and I can’t just sit and watch an ocean or a sunset without thinking about what I will, should, or could do. I can’t stop twitching.

I’m still in that crush-time mindset; the list of things to do is still growing faster than I’m cutting it down; but I’m cutting it down in order of what I care about now, instead of in order of whomever screams first and loudest.

What this means is that my to-do list includes a tattoo; next week I go in to see orly at Humble Beginnings.

I found some good representations of what I’m getting – in concept and style anyway; take a look at the ‘Marquesan’ and ‘Polynesian’ links by Rob Deut of Indepedant Vision; anything with stylized faces gets you to the right territory. Sorry, it’s all behind a stupid flash interface so I can’t direct link; but damn, he’s a great artist; alas, he’s in the netherlands.

I’m working hard to get my head back together, and I can’t think of anything better for than than a little productive pain. I’m hoping this isn’t the last tattoo I actually start work on this year, even if it’s the last this summer (I try to avoid tattoos in teh summer; new tattoos tend not to like sun, sand, sea, and chlorine, which are (one hopes) part of my summers. BUyt as soon as this one’s done, I’m reasonably sure I’ll have my mind best to another, though I’m not sure if it’ll be on my back, or if it’s time to start on the legs again (or, for all I know, more work on my arm). BUt it’s been way too long, and I feel the need to continue.

what tattoo are you getting?

Several people have asked me what it was I was planning to get on my arm. I’ve been trying for an hour to find a decent example of what I have in mind and for some reason, the only things i can find are a few personal tattoo photos, which I don’t really want to […]

Several people have asked me what it was I was planning to get on my arm.

I’ve been trying for an hour to find a decent example of what I have in mind and for some reason, the only things i can find are a few personal tattoo photos, which I don’t really want to link to (it’s sort of poor form, with other people’s tattoos, unless they’re posted someplace like bmezine). And anyway it’s still not right.

My right arm is blackwork; the upper arm has an older sort of abstract ‘tribal’ style tattoo, which is what we were all getting in the days when anything black and pointy could be called ‘tribal’. But since, I’ve gotten better educated on the artistic traditions behind tribal and prefer to stick closer to the original source, artistically. This means I try to work with people who understand polynesian tattooing, and who can work with specific island styles.

On my forearm, I wear one piece in a Maori style, from New Zealand, and then several smaller sections in a Marquesan style. The inside of my upper arm carries on the Maori look in a hammerhead design. YOU can see a cartoonist’s interpretation of that on the side bar of my blog, which is fairly accurate all things considered.

Because my arm is a patchwork of styles and different pieces, it looks unfinished to me. So I can either take the remaining space and locate individual smaller designs in open space, or I can unify the whole with ‘filler’ designs. IN Japan they do this with wind bars, waves, or other background, filling space between major design elements. In western tattooing, one might fill in with stars or some such military motif, given most classic american tattooing was inspired by navel aesthetics.

Polynesians, at least from some places like the Marquesas where the body was often completely covered, did something similar by inter-connecting major pieces with seemingly random (though in fact composed of smaller, repeating design elements) designs. NOt all polynesian styles do this; some favor larger single pieces or single designs framed by open space. BUt one can find examples from many islands of what I mean, some as simple as plan black sections, others small, tapa-cloth-like patterns.

Since I’m tying together several different styles, the challenge is to work with all of them, or rather, not to distract or clash with any.

The idea I have is to place a single major design element – in this case a tahitian-style tiki – in the largest open space on the inside of my arm. I”m planning to plce it at an odd angle to avoid having to line up with existing designs, most of which are either in line with, or parallel to, my arm. Around it will be some related design elements intended to both fill the space, and be artistically interesting on their own, without crowding too much into the space.

This is somewhat challenging for several reasons. First, because so much of my arm is geometric, it’s hard to figure out what to line specific elements up with, in anything that needs to be symmetric (like, for example, a face). Second, it’s challenging to work in and around other artist’s work and produce a harmonious whole. A good tattoo artist can do this, if they and the wearer want (though in truth many customers don’t care about harmony, or even intentionally choose against it).

The other thing that makes this hard is that one really can’t do design like this on paper. It’s got to be felt and then composed in situ, what’s often called freehanding the design (though this is usually a miss-use; freehand means the artist improvises with the needle, rather than with pen on skin, but it’s a fine distinction).

Some very good artists can’t design on skin, for whatever reason. Training, style, habit, or simple comfort with improvisation, can limit an artist’s ability to freehand designs. And one of the key rules with tattoo is, do what your artist does best, because that’s how you get inspired work.

So I had to find an artist who understood the medium and tradition, and who is comfortable drawing things on rather than pre-rendering a drawing.

So when people ask me what I’m getting, the answer is, I don’t really know.

What I do know is who’s doing it. Sixteen months ago I dropped in at Humble Beginnings Tattoo in San Jose, Ca to talk to the owner, Orly. The place is a classic street tattoo shop; it’s not the one you send first-timers to when they need a calm, sweet, hand-holding experience. It’s not a salon; it’s the kind of place where they answer the phone tattoshop in a tone of voice that says they they’ll hang up on you if you annoy them. It’s the kind of place you feel awkward walking into if you don’t look like like part of the scene.

On the other hand, for the year or so before that, I’d been asking people polynisians all over the bay area, who did your ink and getting the same answer; Orly at HB. I’d looked at his work at a convention, and talked to one of his shop-mates, and I was pretty sure this was the place and Orly was the guy.

And of course, I am a tattoo scene guy; I’m sleeved, I have tattoos on my hands, and so many ear piercings I have to count to answer how many (six, at this point). I have work by big names in the industry, like Eddy Deutsch, Freddy Corbin, Mike Malone, and I know Ed Hardy enough to drop his name casually. So shops like that, other than in hollywood where they first check your celeb cred and then your tattoo cred, don’t look at me as if I was barely trnslucent the way they do with most walk-ins.

When I started talking to Orly sixteen months ago and explaining what I wanted, he got it. He said ‘how about we just draw that on when you come in, that would work better’, and I know I had the guy I wanted to work with.

That was just before christmas, and I’d planned to call him back and make an appointment for sometime in my holiday break. I didn’t, of course, for various reasons like being incredibly busy, deaths in the family, and, you know, the holidays. And Orly, being a tattoo artist, can be a little hard to reach sometimes. So after a month or so of trying, I sort of mentally gave up, putting it off for later.

Cut to last week. I’ve had this on the back-burners of my mind for months, but with the small lull my team’s in right now between projects, I’ve had time to look at things that want doing. Things like my taxes, home maintenance, and of course personal-gratification items like motorcycles and tattoos.

I started talking to a friend who was just going for a tattoo, and i looked at the clock and thought, hey, I think HB is open and I think Orly works mondays, I should call.

I was lucky enough to reach Orly on the first try, which means we’re back to the same plan. I’m going to go in one day soon, and he’ll just start drawing on my arm and we’ll see what happens. It’ll either work like I want or it won’t, or we’ll come up with an even better idea I hadn’t even thought of that’ll beat the hell out of anything I could imagine; because that’s how it works sometimes when you pick the right artist and let them run. Sometimes you get inspired work like my feet, or like my left arm, when you just say, here’s my concept, go. That requires both the right artist, and the right relationship; there’s a vast trust placed in someone when they make permanent marks in your skin. It’s not the right relationship for every tattoo, for every customer, but almost universally, the best, most inspired tattoos I’ve ever seen have been pure creation by the artist, not pre-planned by the customer.

I never found the image that I have in my mind for the tiki that may anchor this tattoo, so I can’t demonstrate it. But nevermind; it might not materialize in the final tattoo, or might morph into something very different than where we start. We’ll see.

Marks and scars and lusts

The wound in my hand wasn’t as bad as all that; the following morning the pain was gone entirely, leaving behind only a vague tenderness. More interesting, though, was the leathery texture my skin has now. It’s like it’s someone else’s hand, when I feel it against my skin. The ridges and whorls are burned entirely away in a few places, leaving only the exact imprint of the pan’s handle on my palm and fingers.

The only discomfort, amusingly, is when I put on my one my skull rings on my left middle finger.

In any case, marks lead to marks; I’ve been thinking about tattoos.

I think it’s time I got back to work on long-shelved tattoo projects. With things at work getting back within the range of ‘normal’ at work, my mind’s had a small amount of space to wander.

I called a local shop today, and sometime in the next three or four days I need to visit to pay a deposit and arrange a start date. I’m planning to finish my half-naked right arm.

It just feels like time. And the other things I’m obsessing over are harder, both financially and logistically, to manage just now. Yesterday I started to fantasize about boats and diving and tropical breezes, and spent a few minutes looking at trips to cozumel or la paz or some such lower-cost diving destination; though in truth the windows I have for travel this year are small, and, well, we all know what finances are starting to look like in the next weeks or months, for most of us.

It’s not a surprise I’m a creature driven by desire; one of the things that tells me how hard I’ve been working, how buried I’ve been, is that my mind starts to re-direct the energy of avaricious thoughts into basic survival. I stop thinking about who and what and where I want, and think about how to get through a day without losing more ground.

It’s clear that I feel better, despite (or even because of) a little pain and a visually striking injury. It’s clear because I’m now looking at motorcycles, thinking, how can I swing a new bike; I’m planning tattoos, trips to warm, sunny beaches, and fantasizing about who-and-what I’d be doing in any given scenario.

I feel like me when the low, simmering desire begins to come back. So that must be a good thing.

Remind me, though, not to shop for any new motorcycles. At least not this week.